every friday, http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/ posts a picture prompt to challenge writers to create a 100-word “story.” i’m going to try to keep up with this, as should you. after you post your story, you go to her page and paste a link to your post in the comment box for that week’s picture. give it a shot. what could go wrong? oh, yeah. that. sorry.
Jimmy inched forward behind David, still wondering what was in the bag. He didn’t exhale until David held up an arm to stop. They stayed along the edge of the wall, as if it could somehow protect them. David turned with an index finger to his lips, then moved a step away from the wall. His arm came back, forward, back, then far forward, launching the small bag. It landed in the shade, not completely in the tunnel. There were a few grunts. A snout approached the bag sniffing, and a claw pulled it into the darkness.
“Toldja,” whispered David.
What say you? I say it’s cool. I loved the lead up…and the way we are left not knowing what it was…
Invite you to read mine:
http://wp.me/p1aAEA-tz
Kris
Thaankkss. On my way to yours…
Help! What is that horrible thing that’s grabbed me? Okay, come on – you can’t leave it there – what is it? Oh, yes – I like it.
i thank you. my creepy side thanks you as well.
You’re welcome. If I dream about a giant hog dragging someone in a tunnel – I will be pointing my finger. Only joking.
i will take full responsibility. mostly.
Well it was your imagination that conjured up the snorting, kidnapping creature.
’tis a funny word. snort.
Wow, you participated… finally. I counted and it’s exactly 100 words. I think the more challenging part in writing a flash fiction is the editing rather than the actual writing part.
I wonder what’s inside the bag. I’m thinking that it might be a gnome or a brownie. I even googled it just to find out what kind of creature is it. The more puzzling part here is the claw. Who pulled the bag in the tunnel? A nice save for David.
yes, i finally did because i “followed” the person doing it and was able to easily find it. i think if you’re going to do those kinds of writing things, you should work to make it exactly 100 words. that was actually part of the fun, like you said, in the editing. thanks for first showing it to me.
I’m glad you liked it. By the way, the prompt is given every Wednesday so you can write earlier and edit longer. Just keep on writing.
yup. that’s what happened. i got it on wednesday, wrote and edited then, and save it for today. thanks again.
I agree, but then I’m an editor.
I always strive for exactly 100 words. It’s a real challenge sometimes, but definitely part of the fun.
Oh yeah, and I really like your piece. Good build-up to the ending.
thanks miss. in what capacity do you edit? a publication? i’d love to do that.
I visualised this perfectly, with a shiver. Very well portrayed.
Mine’s at: http://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/a-place-to-die-for-friday-fictioneers-13-april-2012/
thanks. i have lots to read. i better get to it.
Well done, you told just enough…and not a bit too much.
thanks. i think that’s part of the fun. just how far to go, and how far not to go.
You played it very well…and the last line was perfect.
nice work Rich..I felt a little stand by me meets Alien with some goonies thrown in. I think stories about kids and discovery are some of my favorites
they’re your favorites because, in a good way, you’re still a kid and you’re making discoveries.
Loved the bag, totally threw me until the end. Nice.
Here’s mine:http://teschoenborn.com/2012/04/13/friday-fictioneers-3/
Oh, this so clever and leaves me wanting to know more Rich. Nice one and look forward to more.
thanks. very kind of you. i like picture prompts, and i like the idea of just 100 words. have a great day.
OMG this is creepy and marvelous. To write a story and that too this good in a 100 word limit…..wow
I started something with it and then after 300 pages gave up :0
gave up after 300? but you had done so much. why not finish it?
I was kidding what i meant was i was trying to write with in the word limit but it just went on and on and on
awww, you got me with that one. and your tweets are wonderful. i was telling my daughter about you today.
Great story. I love the ending and the excellent imagery in the tunnel. I read above it is exactly 100 words. I limit my work to 50 words and try to have them come in at exactly that (although I will admit that sometimes I’m under). I think that an exact word count also adds to the challenge.
Here’s mine: http://postcardfiction.com/2012/04/13/the-incident/
50 words? that’s a challenge for sure. i’ll check you out. i mean your story.
Ooo…
Seriously, I had the urge to rub my palms together, like one who giddily anticipates the next scene or chapter. Unfortunately, for me, there is no next scene, but I thought this was a perfectly played prompt response.
you are too kind. rarely does the word “perfect” get associated with me, unless it’s followed by “a$$h01e”
So creepy. The description of the action of two guys created a suspense and somehow was a foreshadow of what was to come. Pray, what was in the bag?
Do hop over to my place: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/flash-fiction-story-eloped/
in the bag was probably a piece of chicken from the refrigerator. later, mom’s gonna be wondering what happened to it.
OMG! And I thought it was so sinsiter! A good and hilarious twist
they heard about the thing in the tunnel, went home and found a piece of chicken, and went to see if there really was a thing in the tunnel.
Loved this. The build up was excellent and the twist was completely unexpected. I’d really like to know just what this creature is.
http://tollykitsjourney.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/flash-fiction-story-1-for-fridayfictioneers/
Thanks. Read yours earlier. Fun day.
Awesome story. My dark side thanks you for an enjoyable read.
all my sides thank you for taking time in your day to read it.
Nice! Sounds like a great Saturday night – heading down to the park to fee the monsters in the dark… The writing was great and the story captured my attention!
~Susan (http://www.susanwenzel.com/)
i can’t ask for more than that. thanks for spending time in your day to read it.
Good story! Very alive in its description. The choice of words superb… Loved it!
Here’s my attempt for the week-
http://faitaccompli.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/the-dark-tunnel/
thank you for taking time in your day to read it. and i’ll get to yours too.
Creepy …. but in a good way.
thanks. that’s what i’m going for.
A Gremlin for sure!
Thanks for stopping by my site
You’re so Rich. .
Now whisper me the next..
: )
I could see that sort of scene actually happening. Cool little story, Rich – thanks for joining us in our Friday madness
i’ll thank allen in the phillipines as it was on his blog that i first became aware of what you’re doing. and then i’ll thank you too of course.
So much suspense! I love how you left the reader wondering what the creature was, great story. Was it your first story for Madison’s friday fictioneer’s?
yes, first one. i love picture prompts. i wrote one last week for a different blog site, and it gave me enough that i believe i can make a full novel out of it. something for kids, in the area of things like “because of winn dixie.”
Cool. Same, picture prompts I find are also one of the easier prompt’s to write from. That’s cool, it’s interesting where we get our inspiration from, I’m writing a novel too and I got the idea in a social studies lesson about climate change.
well, a picture prompt comes in many forms. i was driving today and noticed an old, abandoned house that is only about two miles from home, but i had never noticed it before. made me think of a story about a guy who sees such a house and is then compelled to go inside. that was the beginning of a good idea that i discussed with my kid who was with me. it was a real house, but it worked like a picture prompt.
Good point, I suppose a picture prompt should be called a visual prompt instead, but that means anything you see and that means written words count too.
our state tests were using picture prompts for many years in grades 4 through about 7. problem was too many sucky teachers kept telling kids that if you can’t think of a story, just describe the picture. more and more kids were doing that, not writing a story. scores were getting bad for the writing, and they realized it wasn’t that kids couldn’t write, it was that they weren’t told how to approach the assignment. they’ve since cancelled the picture prompt.
My friend and I (years ago) snuck into a house that was sort of abandoned. It was really late, we ran around the place like kids. LOL
WOW I haven’t thought about that in yeeeears!
Silly teacher’s, that would annoy me, it’s annoying when someone misleads you, and your the one who suffers.
that’s why i stopped teaching. couldn’t handle keeping my mouth shut around idiots.
Maybe you should of spoken up, would of been good for the students.
i did but i was outnumbered greatly. i didn’t blame the teachers as much as the administrators who didn’t do anything to help.
Wonder why they didn’t help, aren’t they there for the students’ education to be beneficial
not when they’re too dumb to know help is needed or how to provide it.
they don’t sound like very good administrators. Too bad they couldn’t be better.
unqualified people in very important positions.
Damn. Hate it when that happens.
Trying to understand this…
The guys were creeping through the tunnel, armed with a sack, looking for a pig (or hog). They heard one at the end, and chucked a big to capture it. Then…
…the pig approached sniffing, and an automated claw from inside dragged it in. The other boy didn’t think it’d work, so his pal says, “Toldja.”
Well, I like the imagery of the claw, at least. It’s kinda funny (if darkly). Not a bad piece, if you don’t mind reading it a few times.
http://littlewonder2.wordpress.com/2012/04/12/friday-fictioneers-halfway-bridge/
two kids approaching a tunnel with a piece of food in a bag. they heard about a creature hiding in the tunnel and tossed the food to see if the creature would come out. i didn’t describe it well, it is pig-like, and it took the food. one kid believed, one did not, and that’s why the believing kid said “toldja.”
An amusing story, with a bit of a Goonies slant to it. Funny.
http://garybaileywriting.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/134/
Nice modern take on the troll under the bridge.
My only confusion was in the beginning, at first I thought they were outside creeping toward the tunnel, but then when you said they stayed along the edge of the wall, I thought maybe they were inside the tunnel, creeping out, til I realized otherwise.
I know it’s hard to keep short with limits, but without them, perhaps an additional word or two, “inched toward the dark tunnel”. I had no confusion about the creature – snout and claw were just enough to create a vivid imaginary creature in my head. Well done, and would work as a longer piece.
You are right. I needed a few more words. Thanks.
Hi Rich: Welcome to Friday Fictioneers. I see your story differently from the others. Here’s my take. I think the pig-like creature is really a very hungry wino/bum who grabbed the bag. His huge, dirty hand appeared like a claw to the kids. What say ye? Nice work. ps…sorry you gave up teaching…the kids need you. Here’s mine:
http://www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com
Wait … what is it! LOL
Oh. A platypus… I see.
Nicely done. Just what is in that bag anyway?
whatever they could steal from the fridge at home.
I liked this, you lead us up to the actual event and then left us wondering. What’s in the bag? What’s in the tunnel? Nothing wrong with a little mystery though, and I thought you portrayed your human characters perfectly. this could definitely be a longer piece!
I’m over here: http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/friday-fiction-the-tunnel/
thanks elmo. i’ll check out yours.
oh, i already read that one. i remember the cardboard blankets.
I think this is what the boys in my story would have tried if they hadn’t had the skateboarding accident. Really well written. Especially liked the last word.
mine is here: http://erinleary.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/flash-friday-fiction-2/
thanks miss. i’ll seek out yours too.
Seems to me, a very interesting discipline. This story catches the imagination of the reader. Very nice.
Thank you sir.
What sold this story for me was David’s superior whisper to Jimmy. David’s been there before, he knows the monster and he knows what to feed it, and that gave a nice creepy feel to the whole story. I think Jimmy might be the next meal!
Here’s mine:
http://michaelsfishbowl.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/my-final-rest/
thanks. that’s how i meant it.
love it.. love it! What a great ending..
here’s mine:
http://thedailywoman.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/friday-flash-fiction-between/
That was really good, Rich.
thanksa youa vera much.
Loved it. Different. But I love monster movies, so right up my alley.
Mine http://shirleymccann.blogspot.com/2012/04/nightmare.html
thanks miss. i shall check yours out too.
I don’t know why some of your readers had trouble understanding what was happening. I thought that you were very clear. It is very well done.
Thanks Miss. It was the moving along the wall part that made it seem like they were inside the tunnel. I imagined an outside wall leading to the opening.