#fridayfictioneers 6/15 via madison woods

Every Wednesday Madison Woods posts a picture prompt to challenge writers to create a 100-word story or poem or anything that works for you.  then post your work on your blog.  additionally, on friday, you go back to her site and post a link to your blog entry in the comments on her friday fictioneers post.

I’m going to try to keep up with this, as should you.  give it a shot.  i prefer to stick to 100 words, but she doesn’t mind either way.  not everyone has the time to sit and write, revise, edit, revise, edit, etc. until getting it down to 100 and telling everything you want to tell.

For the past few weeks, I seem to have gotten away from the horror thing.  I could have easily gotten nasty with this one, but it felt redundant.  Oh well.

Here’s this week’s picture and my 100 words -

 

Six hours, complete darkness, a cold night.  Two Allied soldiers lay silent, motionless in shrubs aside an uphill trail.  The sun teased the horizon.  Whispers began.

“See anything?”

“No.”

“Captain said find a sign along the trail.”

“Should we go up or down?”

“Dunno.  Wrong way gets us killed.”

“Dammit.”  Head shake.  Neck rub.  “Krauts can be anywhere.”

Eyes widened.  Heads turned alertly.  A bird fluttered from its nest searching for breakfast.

“What’s that?”

“Bird?”

“No.  The white thing on the tree.  Maybe it’s the sign.”

One crawled forward, neck craned, crawled back.

“What’s it say?”

“Made in Japan.”

“Bastards.”

___________________________

100 words

 

About these ads

75 Responses to #fridayfictioneers 6/15 via madison woods

  1. janmorrill says:

    Excellent. This was perfect for flash fiction, as the sparsity added tension. By the way — love the cover for Lizzie’s Journal — a real eye-catcher!

    –Jan
    http://janmorrill.wordpress.com/2012/06/15/flashfriday-fictioneers-mos-shadow/

  2. aFrankAngle says:

    Whoa … unexpected twist! …. but wasn’t Made in Japan significant post WW II?

  3. This is a good one! (and I love your horror)

  4. simplysweetsunshine says:

    Very interesting!Funny how we all can view things so differently. I walk on nature trails that look very similar to the picture.So my first thoughts when I saw it were of nature,peace and tranquility.Maybe I will be brave enough to give this one a shot!
    Happy Friday

  5. susielindau says:

    Great punchline! Love it!

  6. lovely..you are right it would have been easy to go nasty with that trail..and i must add i was pleasantly surprised you took this path…Loved the story :)

  7. Lol that was great. :) This was the first thing to make me smile this morning. Thanks I needed that.

  8. Karmic Diva says:

    The ending was unexpected. A pleasure to read.

  9. Rhonda says:

    LOVE it. and you didn’t mention one of my favs….Bridge Over River Kwai….classic, as all the ones you did mention.

  10. Awesomely done! I love the dialogue and I love the tenseness of it. I also enjoyed the ending :) Here’s mine: http://theforgottenwife.com/2012/06/15/friday-fictioneers-6152012-the-watcher/

  11. great job. great twist.
    Like everything else, before I read your piece to the end, I should have picked the piece up and looked at the underside to see if it was made in J
    apan.

  12. erinleary says:

    Great tension, very spare and in keeping with the scene. Nice work!

    Mine is here: http://erinleary.wordpress.com/2012/06/14/flash-friday-fiction-5/

  13. Fantastic tension, and then the release, which got an unholy sound from me because I wasn’t expecting to laugh.

  14. The problem with being so far down the list–everyone has already spoke MY mind. :-) All I can do is say “ditto” to all the comments. I enjoyed the read.

    Mine: http://www.vlgregory-circa1800vpweb.com/blog.html

  15. This has probably all been said (I haven’t read the comments), but you set up the situation very clearly and dramatically, with plenty of suspense and good dialog. Interesting (contemporary?) twist at the end!

    And thanks for commenting on mine at http://newpillowbook.wordpress.com/2012/06/15/friday-fictioneers-a-walk-in-the-woods/.

  16. Sandra says:

    Sooo funny! Great dialogue, you could feel the tension and the diffusion was excellent.
    http://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2012/06/15/given-a-choice-friday-fictioneers-june-2012/

  17. IsobelandCat says:

    Mice twist at the end and economy of words. Had assumed the 2ww anachronism was deliberate and suggested this was a reenactment.

    • rich says:

      i had originally said “american” soldier, but changed it because i specifically wanted WWII, as you said. then again, i have to hope readers know who the “Allies” were. some might not be old enough.

    • rich says:

      i have my blog set so that comments do not appear automatically because i have had unfriendly people post unfriendly things. i don’t mean disagreeing comments. i mean just rude, nasty things. so once someone has commented and i’ve approved it, then all further comments should go up immediately. just not the first one.

  18. Funny. Which is odd, because something deep down inside me says that it shouldn’t be.

    I took ages to get here today because I thought that you would be on The List, but you weren’t. So, 59 people later, I finally got here! Sorry about that!

  19. IsobelandCat says:

    Just posted a comment but can’t see it. Am I being moderated?

  20. IsobelandCat says:

    Apparently not as that one shows. Trying again. Nice economy of words to create mood and give setting. I had assumed the anachronism at the end was deliberate to suggest a reenactment !

  21. Trying to wind my writing and reading around a crazy work schedule so I’ll be at this all weekend and probably into Monday. TMI? Anyway…loved the story, Rich. I liked the way “Made in Japan” smacked me in the face. Thanks for giving an original take on the photo.
    http://www.rochelle-wisoff.blogspot.com/2012/06/mothers-gift.html

  22. Stacey says:

    That made me laugh. Great job. Economical use of words, and I loved “The sun teased the horizon.”

    • rich says:

      that sentence was edited more than any other. i had written things like “the sun peeked over the horizon.” and then replaced “peeked” several times until i realized i was wasting a word with “over.” but i couldn’t write “the sun peeked the horizon,” so i needed to keep searching. i’m glad that caught your attention.

  23. The tension was palpable and held until the very last word, then popped like a balloon. Nice job. Glad you found the right word in “teased.” That sentence is golden.
    Thanks for commenting on mine.

  24. Kwadwo says:

    ” The sun teased the horizon.”
    Lovely expression.

    Here’s my take: http://logo-ligi.com/2012/06/15/six-oclock/

  25. JKBradley says:

    Found a sign indeed. Today’s sign would say made in China. Nice one.

    http://www.centurylink.com/static/Pages/Support/ContactUs/chat_livePerson.html#

  26. Janet says:

    I really enjoyed the short sentences. It set a good tone to the piece.

  27. Linda says:

    The way you dealt with the conversation was perfect – short stacatto sentances is exactly how they would have communicated in this environment. constantly on edge in case someone over hears them. Really nice Rich.

    Here’s mine for anyone else: http://womanontheedgeofreality.com/2012/06/15/friday-fictioneers-visiting-grannys/

  28. Great suspense, tense atmosphere with short, clipped sentences to go with it. Good shot, Rich. Thanks for coming over.

  29. Michael Fishman says:

    I liked the twist at the end but more than that I liked the sparse writing, especially this sentence: ““Dammit.” Head shake. Neck rub. “Krauts can be anywhere.” ” and how it added to the tension of being lost.

    I also like war movies. A list of favorites would be too long, but two of my favorites are Bataan and Battleground.

what say you?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 3,031 other followers

%d bloggers like this: