Every Wednesday Madison Woods posts a picture prompt to challenge writers to create a 100-word story or poem or anything that works for you. Then post your work on your blog. additionally, on friday, you go back to her site and post a link to your blog entry in the comments on her Friday Fictioneers post.
I’m going to try to keep up with this, as should you. Give it a shot. I prefer to stick to 100 words, but she doesn’t mind either way. Not everyone has the time to sit and write, revise, edit, revise, edit, etc. until getting it down to 100 and telling everything you want to tell.
The Delay
“Something wrong, Sheriff?” says the bus driver.
“This way, please.” Walking. “Got a call about a bomb. Didn’t wanna alarm everyone. Don’t need panic. Just wanna get all passengers off so Deputy can search, okay?”
Driver chuckles. “A bomb? On a bus?”
Sheriff removes hat, wipes brow. “I know, but when we get a call, we gotta take it seriously. Never know, right?”
Checking watch, the driver exhales, peers down the road. Thirty minutes.
“Deputy’s done,” says Sheriff. “Sorry ‘bout the delay.”
The driver nods, salutes, drives off.
Ten miles along dark highway, oil refineries. Driver reaches into his pocket.
__________________________
100 words
Oh man that isn’t going to end well..loved it what a story.
thanks miss. you’re right, not going to end well. and some for me to read now.
Rich, you never fail to amaze me. That’s why I love coming here week after week. Your characters are so real and the dialogue so easy and natural.You’re a great story teller.
that’s more than i deserve. thanks very much.
That was terrific.
too kind of you. thanks.
That Deputy done messed up, I say!
Nice Job Rich as always. Believable dialogue and well told.
Tom
thank you very much.
excellent Rich – excellent. I was stumped on this one – and you nailed it!
i almost called it “the driver,” and i think that might have given it away if i did.
Yikes! Or maybe not!
yes. yikes.
Great ending
Wasn’t sure what to expect on this one… knew you had something waiting at the end…
A real twist at the end there, good work Rich!
I like your title, Rich…and your story. Great ending.
Excellent! Also agree with Rochelle that you gave the story a great title. Outstanding work.
great little story… Randy
Excellent twist and as mentioned, realistic dialogue. Why did a bomb come into both our minds?
uh oh. if you’re brain and mine are on the same wavelengths, then i feel bad for you to be on my level! ha! just kidding. i have to start reading them all now and i’ll get back to you.
It’s fun reading every story but it does take awhile, especially as there’s usually something else that needs to be done! As for brain levels, I though I was elevating you, not bringing myself down.
Always enjoy your stuff.
very funny, miss. yes, you’re elevating me, no doubt. someone please lift me out of the sewer. should it be you, then i’m definitely elevated. thanks for enjoying my stuff. just for that, i will seek yours out first.
What a nice side effect, but I didn’t say it for your prompt attention! Hope you enjoy my story.
already enjoyed. yours was from the angle of the passenger, mine from the driver, but same ending. as for “prompt attention,” it’s deserved for sure.
Thank you, kind sir. (See, elevating you once again.)
yes you did, and i hope you do it again.
If it’s not the butler it’s the driver. Nice turn at the end.
thanks very much.
Nice
thanks much.
We think alike, you and I. I had a suspicion…Excellent!
Scott
great many thanks.
Oh, you are quite welcome!
Hi Rich,
Was this an eco-terrorist, a la Edward Abbey? Was he angry about high gas prices? The gulf oil spill? Innovative story with great dialog and an effective ending. Enjoy all the praise you’re getting for this one. Ron
thanks sir. not an eco terrorist or that well planned. was a driver upset with his life, his job, life’s downturns. wanted to go out big and with sympathy and hope it wouldn’t be tied to his doing.
Dang … quite the unexpected! Well done!!!! Now it’s time to return to Ashley.
was watching her this morning. she was getting feisty with obama, interjecting a little too much opinion instead of just delivering. ever notice the little touches in her wardrobe? buckles? zippers? eyelets? i’m sensing something about her.
She is intriguing … But dang … no Susan Hendricks yet on HLN!
aww. poor guy. there’s always cnn.com i guess.
Reminds me of the most recent *Sherlock* episode I saw last night–the guys in uniform that we discount can be real players in these things! Well told.
Here’s mine: http://wrasselings.blogspot.com/2012/10/friday-fictioneers-day-trip.html
Well, if everything goes the way he hopes, he will, indeed, “go out big”–but it’s hard to believe he doesn’t want credit for what is intended to be a flamboyant exit. Good story and dialogue.
Thanks very much. Dialogue is my strength.
Effective, Rich. You clench it at the end without overstating it. Well done, sir.
Much thanks miss.
Very clever, Rich!
thanks sir. i’m on my way to get some reading done myself.
Gheesh…the Sheriff checked everyone but the driver. There is a serious lesson here and that is: Don’t trust “anyone.” Nice work, Rich.
thanks very much, miss.
never leave to a ‘deputy’ what you should have done yourself LOL. Love this twisty kind of writing makes for great intensity. Great one Rich
thanks much. yeah, deputies always seem to mess up.
Dear Rich,
One of the many things I like about getting lost in your stories is how much bang for the buck I get. Great dialog, terse, tight, well paced and packed with explosive power. You didn’t need to detonate the bomb to keep us mesmerized, either. You just let us know it might exist and later, that it did. Great title, too.
Thanks for visiting mine.
Aloha,
Doug
What Doug said!
Thanks for visiting ours, Rich.
Great story, good dialogue. I’ve only been on FF for a short time and I don’t have your experience, but I can see you like to use the minimum amount of words possible. Makes for a very clipped style, eg. “sheriff removes hat, wipes brow”. I would be tempted to have fewer, longer sentences. However, doing it the way you have makes the story very visual as the sentences written in the present tense come across like stage directions. Well done once again.
thanks dude. i don’t normally go present tense, but it allowed me to cut some words, and i strictly stick to 100. my opinion is we should go 100, that’s the challenge, but my opinion. thanks for reading.
My gosh, how much you do in a hundred words! In case you don’t know, Readers Digest have a 100 word story competition on – ends in November. I think you would do great.
(also, LOVE your ‘not featured on freshly pressed’ – ha ha!)
those are some very kind words miss, thanks very much. i should look into that.
as for the “not FP” i borrowed that from someone who was using it – until just this past week when he was FP.
I like it. Nicely dark. And in this day and age, incredibly apt.
Sadly apt. Thanks for reading.
Yup, creepy, but I also have to admit, I was thrilled Keanu Reeves did not make an appearance.
The greatest bad actor. Thanks!
Beautifully done. I always seem to get to reading pretty late. I’ve got to be more conscientious reading and commenting. Loved this take but didn’t get a sense of any travellers, maybe because I was so concentrated on the driver. He and the sheriff seemed very real.
i didn’t focus on the passengers other than to say that the sheriff didn’t want to alarm them because it was about the driver. thanks for reading. better late than never. i usually read them all friday night, but by now there’s probably a few more. i should go check.
Oh no! It was the driver all along. This is so cleverly done, Rich. Me love this.
thanks very much miss.
Bravo!!!
thanks miss.