#fridayfictioneers via rochelle – 11/09

Every Wednesday Riley Wisoff-Fields posts a picture prompt to challenge writers to create a 100-word story or poem or anything that works for you.  Then post your work on your blog.  additionally, on friday, you go back to her site and post a link to your blog entry in the comments on her Friday Fictioneers post.

I’m going to try to keep up with this, as should you.  Give it a shot.  I prefer to stick to 100 words, but she doesn’t mind either way.  Not everyone has the time to sit and write, revise, edit, revise, edit, etc. until getting it down to 100 and telling everything you want to tell.

 

The Cold

His coordination erodes.  Hands shake, too erratic for flint to strike steel.  Shredded straw waits patiently in a wooden bowl.  No sparks.  Teeth pull torn gloves.  Hands touch face to warm, strengthen fingers.  Then try again.

Silent, solemn thoughts, then reach for flint and steel, fingers beg to keep grip.  Shredded straw waits silently in a wooden bowl.  Eyes slowly glaze, crystallize, like the outside window overnight.  Fingers tighten.  Twitch.

Two figures slowly appear outside wearing white with red crosses.  One raises a small, lighted device.  In their language, “Nothing living in there.”  Two figures slowly disappear.  Search elsewhere.

___________

I don’t usually write in present tense, but I did here for two reasons.  1. The immediacy of what was happening, making it at the moment.  I was going to write it first person, but I did that with a different, similar piece already.  and 2. It saved words.

__________________________

100 words

30 thoughts on “#fridayfictioneers via rochelle – 11/09

  1. As usual, well written. Sad story.
    Reminds me of some movie whose name I have forgotten – where rescue came moments too late.
    I admire the way you dispense with ‘unnecessary’ words.

  2. Dear Rich, you say a lot in a few words. I don’t know if I’m in a minority but I miss some of the words you cut out, eg I would prefer ‘fingers beg to keep their grip’. Like the story itself very much, but feel it’s a little too staccato a style for my taste.

  3. Rich,
    I wouldn’t change a thing. In my youth I often went camping in the winter. You captured the feeling of building a fire against all odds in the dead cold like a man who has been there….

    Hat Tip!

    Tom

  4. Very real, and a bit disturbing. I think you did very well with the present tense. I understand cutting words to meet the quota, I do it myself. I would love to see what you would have created with more words. Maybe not, this was unsettling enough.

  5. RIch, You just described the thousands of Hurricane Sandy victims still suffering in their homes after a full week with no power, no heat, no lights, no food, etc. Well done.

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