#fridayfictioneers via rochelle – 2/1

Every Wednesday Rodin Wisoff-Fields posts a picture prompt challenging writers to create a 100-word story, poem, or whatever works for you.  After posting your work on your blog,  go back to her site and add your link on her Friday Fictioneers post.  Place.  Page.

I’m going to try to keep up with this, as should you.  Give it a shot.  I prefer to stick to 100 words, but she doesn’t mind either way.  Not everyone has the time to sit and write, revise, edit, revise, edit, etc. until getting it down to 100 and telling everything you want to tell.

I had some great editing challenges this week, and I’m kicking myself for not saving them for those who like to see the progression.

________________________

 copyright-claire-fuller

The Sculptor

“Sorry.  Haven’t seen them since Tuesday,” The son says.

“Any idea when they’ll be back?” Detective asks.

“Nah.  They’re retired.  Always going places.”  Son washes hands thoroughly.

“Did they say where they’re going?”  Detective scribbles.

“Not usually.”  Son wipes hands on apron.

Detective leans closely.  “What’s this?”

“Soapstone.”  Detective scribbles more.

Son precisely arranges hammers, chisels.

“That’s them.  I’m sculpting my parents .”

“Nice.  So, you’ll call me if you hear from them?”

“Certainly.”

Detective leaves.  Son sits, a drastic grin, exhales.  Then, fist tight, he punches the table.

One chisel is gone.

Detective hurries to his car, pocket slightly heavier.

________________________

100 words

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109 Responses to #fridayfictioneers via rochelle – 2/1

  1. Ha! Your muse took you to a murder too. As expected well done.

  2. deanabo says:

    Uh oh. Someone’s in trouble!

  3. Parul says:

    Oh this doesn’t sound good at all. Crooked and alluding! Very nice work Rich.

  4. vbholmes says:

    Smart detective, that one (or maybe not-so-smart son).

  5. Pigeon Heart says:

    Ooh! Naughty lil bugger. And then…??

  6. Hayley says:

    Love the cunning detective :)

  7. dmmacilroy says:

    Dear Rich,

    Spare and tight prose illuminated by light of the studio. The detective may find the DNA he seeks but he’ll still have to find the bodies and provoke the son into a mistake or a confession. You’ve got a few hundred more words for later if the impulse to entertain us strikes.

    Aloha,

    Doug

  8. Jan Brown says:

    Excellent crime story! Love the tight prose; it marches the tense mood of the story.

  9. muZer says:

    Aha! The son wasn’t as smart as he thought he was! I like the flow of the story from his nonchalant demeanor to punching the table when the realization dawns upon him of the missing chisel. Great take on the pic prompt.

  10. reminded me of Columbo for some reason. I like the choppiness of the action in your writing. It almost sets the scene as a play or tv script. Maybe that’s what brought to mind Columbo. Oh well, I liked this a lot. I’ll stop rambling now.

  11. boomiebol says:

    Oh nice…smart detective. I like how you write dialogues…great job as always sir

  12. Well crap! Seems the young man ran into a smart officer. Time for plan B. Nice.

  13. Tom Poet says:

    It reads like a game of three card monte….Nice Job. Your dialogue is always spot on….

  14. Tom Poet says:

    Things are as well as they can be…Been busy and you know the rest…Hope all is well with you.

    Tom

  15. Dialogue, tension… Excellent! Everything was so easy to visualize.

  16. pennycoho says:

    This is so well done. You got it all the whole story, wow, I’m impressed!

  17. claireful says:

    I really like how you made my feelings change throughout the post – a stupid detective, a clever (yet awful) son, a clever detective, a stupid (and awful) son. Nice writing.

  18. elappleby says:

    Very enjoyable, you crammed a lot of story in by stripping it bare. It worked beautifully for me, especially the descriptions of the son washing and wiping his hands.

    • rich says:

      thanks. i wanted him to be slightly neurotic, scrubbing hands, arranging chisels. OCD. but the detective slipped one chisel away, and the son did not account for that.

  19. Dear Switch,
    I’ll try to sculpt an apt comment for your stellar piece. Dialogue…terse..to the point. A little like Dragnet. “Just the facts, Ma’am.”
    Shalom,
    Rodin

  20. Nice one Rich, very pointed. Naughty boy that one.

  21. unspywriter says:

    Ah, there is no such thing as the perfect crime. Nicely done.

    Here’s mine: http://unexpectedpaths.com/friday-fictioneers/hephaestus-wedge/

  22. Evidence might not hold up in court, but certainly would give them a place to really start looking!!!
    Scott
    Mine: http://kindredspirit23.wordpress.com/2013/01/31/3636/

  23. Sparse and you made the best of every word. I’m glad you got the detective in on the act. I hope he’ll be able to prove it and I salute him for his out-of-the-box suspicions. He must be a Fictioneer!

    janet

  24. I like the turn of event here but what is in the detective’s pocket anyway?

    • rich says:

      the missing chisel. the detective took it to look for fingerprints and possible traces of blood. possible that one wasn’t as carefully washed as the son’s hands.

  25. Hi Rich,
    Loved the clues, son washing hands, wiping hands. Something about the word drastic doesn’t seem quite right. Have you been watching a lot of police dramas lately? Ron

    • rich says:

      yeah, “drastic,” not sure where that came from. i wasn’t seeking it out, but it kind of pushed its way in there, so i left it. if you have a suggestion, i’ll gladly replace it.

  26. Rich, I was so hooked. The dialogue, though sparse is very apt. Well done. :-) http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2013/02/01/fridayfictioneers-janus

  27. k~ says:

    I enjoyed your take on this prompt, but then I am particularly fond of murder/mystery ;-)

  28. He’s caught I knew it. ;-) I really like how you can create a story out of a dialogue.

    • rich says:

      Thanks very much. For me, dialogue is action happening right at that moment. I find it more interesting than just telling events in past tense. I like the human interaction. It reveals character and motivation. Sometimes.

      Thanks for reading.

  29. annisik51 says:

    I like your use of tags. I will steal this device from you. Definitely. I read the story a second time without the dialogue and it seems to tell the tale as much as the dialogue. A silent movie. I like ‘drastic grin’ though I can’t envisage one. Ann

    • rich says:

      thanks a bunch. as for tags, i didn’t really understand how to use them until less than a year ago, and i got a lot more views/likes/readers once i understood it. thanks for reading.

      • annisik51 says:

        If this ‘less than a year ago’ means there’s a source or sources you can direct me to, I’d appreciate it.

      • rich says:

        i had been using “categories” instead of “tags.” people don’t see categories as easily. so i just started putting key words – things that people might do a search for – like “education” and “writing” and “fiction” and “humor.” and i try to put about 10. that brought more people here. so far, is that anything you’re already aware of?

      • annisik51 says:

        Oh boy. We’re talking about 2 different kinds of tag. I was complimenting you on your use of tags in your story. They are normally banal, such as ‘he said’. Yours characterise etc. Though I’m sure your other tags are equally brilliant.I’ll check them out next time I visit your blog. :)

      • rich says:

        oh crap. my bad. didn’t know what you meant. technically, those are called “attributions,” but i like tags better. i use them with flexibility as a way to cut and edit down to 100 words.

      • annisik51 says:

        You must have wondered why I was writing about the tags you’d used in your blog instead of focussing on the story! Very polite of you to have said nothing.

      • rich says:

        I really thought you were asking about the words I put in the tags for the blog post. Probably because I don’t know how long you have been blogging, so I don’t know what you are or are not aware of. There was a time when I had no clue what a blog tag was at all. So then I knew it was possible that you didn’t know either.

  30. sandraconner says:

    Excellent, Rich! I started suspecting that the parents’ heads were in the sculpture when you focused on the son washing his hands. You handled it all just right. Not too much time to THINK — just enough to FEEL what’s going on. Your detective certainly FELT it.

  31. Guess it’s a good way to hide part of the bodies. But where’s the rest of them?

  32. rgayer55 says:

    I can see Peter Falk in his trench coat, waving an unlit cigar, saying, “Just one more thing.” Well done, Rich.

  33. Sarah Ann says:

    So where are the parents? And why? I know you commented to Doug that you don’t want to take it any further, but can the detective publish his notes a future date?

    • rich says:

      First there will need to be a trace of blood found on the chisel. If not, then it will only be a way of getting fingerprints. After that, I haven’t thought that far ahead. Actually, I did not think this far ahead until just now. The only thinking to come next will be breakfast. Thank you very much for reading.

  34. Erinleary says:

    I’m glad to hear you talk of cutting words – i struggled yesterday to keep mine at 100. It is a good practice in that you have to evaluate everything. I enjoyed yours and had a brief flash to Columbo at the end. Hope you enjoyed breakfast!

  35. Joyce says:

    The son should have watched those crafty hands of the detective a little better. But, then unless the detective were to have had on the plastic gloves as crime scene investigators use, his fingerprints are on the chisel as well as the son’s. Then, his evidence is compromised. Maybe, the detective’s move is not the smartest. Now, to go look for the missing, maybe murdered parents. Great story here, Rich. I also go through a lot of edits before the finished product is done on any and all fiction projects whatever the piece. As writers of fiction we work at the craft, to the finished product, much like the sculptors sculpting their masterpieces.

  36. I’m afraid he made be foiled.

  37. Can’t beat a good murder – on paper, that is.

  38. Well done, Rich! I kind of went the same direction. Although yours is more mystery. I guess sculptures inspires the idea of death.

  39. That was masterfully told. I like how the details of the son washing his hands speaks so much without actually saying anything at all overtly.

  40. nightlake says:

    really creepy..an interesting read

  41. Joe Owens says:

    The question: Does he watch enough CSI and NCIS to know how to clean the chisel so there is no trace of evidence. Or is the detective on his way back with the offending tool?

  42. kz says:

    ha! outsmarted ^^ he thought he handled it pretty well only to realize he’s been outsmarted. great story ^^

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