#fridayfictioneers via rochelle – 2/22

Every Wednesday Rundown Wisoff-Fields posts a picture prompt challenging writers to create a 100-word story, poem, or whatever works for you.  After posting your work on your blog,  go back to her site and add your link on her Friday Fictioneers post.  Place.  Page.

I’m going to try to keep up with this, as should you.  Give it a shot.  I prefer to stick to 100 words, but she doesn’t mind either way.  Not everyone has the time to sit and write, revise, edit, revise, edit, etc. until getting it down to 100 and telling everything you want to tell.

________________________

 copyright-janet-webb

The Barn

Two children sit in a barn loft.

“Granpa Wilson demolishing this tomorrow,” he complains.

“Why?”

“Building a new one.”

“After all these years?” she whines.  “Where we gonna play?”

“I’m staying right here.  He don’t scare me.”

“He’s knocking it down ‘cause he hates us playing here.”

He drops from the loft.  “He don’t even know we’re here.”

Sure he knows,” she smiles.  “Hands shaking,” she mimics.  “Holding his gun when we get too loud.  Let him knock it down.  Ain’t chasing me away.”

Next morning, backhoes dig the foundation, then stop.

“Ho-ly Christ.”

“What’s that?”

“Bones.  Go get Wilson.”

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100 words

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137 Responses to #fridayfictioneers via rochelle – 2/22

  1. Saw it coming, but only because you and I think alike.
    lol. Excellent take.
    Scott

  2. claudia says:

    The barn causes everyone to value it or want to save it. Your “save” was most unique, hard ending but well done!

  3. kdillmanjones says:

    Nice! There’s so much the reader can interpret into it. I love the dialogue especially, the vernacular or local dialect. Great writing!

  4. rgayer55 says:

    Is this Mr. Wilson of Dennis the Menace fame? Diggin up bodies is one way to stop construction.

  5. Bumba says:

    Terrific drama there.

  6. Great job! Seems a lot of people are dying in that old structure these days.

  7. claireful says:

    I really didn’t see that coming. This has to be one of my favourite that I’ve ever read of yours Rich. Fantastic dialogue between the children, and the perfect last line.

  8. MissFourEyes says:

    Didn’t see that coming at all. Good one

  9. Heidi says:

    Love the twist ending. Nice job ;)

  10. Tom Poet says:

    I didn’t see the ending coming. Nice work Old man!

  11. JKBradley says:

    This week on Bones… Good images. I could smell the decay in the earth. Nice one Rich.

  12. happyzinny says:

    Them bones were subtly planted. Nice job!

  13. I guess the barn’s not going anywhere too soon. Nicely done as always.

  14. Hi Rich,
    Uh oh, psycho granpa. Didn’t see that coming Shades of Slingblade. Essentially a type of southern gothic story, my favorite kind. Ron .

    • rich says:

      love that movie. yeah, grandpa buried the kids years ago but is tortured by their laughs, so he thinks tearing down the barn will get rid of them.

  15. Hi Rich, you always have such refreshing way of writing. Who planted the bones? I wonder if someone else tried to get in grandpa’s way ?

    Shenine

    • rich says:

      thanks very much. granpa buried them, and their spirits stay in the barn. gramps thinks knocking down the barn will get rid of them, but not so.

  16. “Dem bones, dem bones, dem dry bones…” When Grandpa Wilson says he doesn’t like kids playing in the old barn, he means it. A question, were these supposed to be bones from other kids or the ones speaking in the beginning? Sorry if I’m the dense one here. I am after all somewhat Rundown.
    Shalom.

  17. Good job, Rich, and I got that it was the bones of the children. They were all right–he didn’t scare them off and he did get rid of them.

    janet

  18. yebuccaneer says:

    Haunting stuff…liked the idea very much and way it was scribed – hard to cram into the 100 ..!

  19. denmother says:

    Nice, Rich. My fear is old Granpa is going to get away with it because they’re letting him know first that they found the bones!
    Demother

  20. boomiebol says:

    Great work, didn’t see that coming

  21. billgncs says:

    Hi Rich — good dialog, really liked the ending.

  22. Parul says:

    oh…. oooh! so it was ghosts talking!!
    Nice spin! Love it!

  23. I did not see that ending coming.

    When I first read this, I thought the grandpa wanted to tear the barn down because it was unsafe for the children to play in, and that they’d fallen somewhere and died while they were having the conversation . . . and their bones were found in the morning. I guess if they’d just died, though, there’d be more than bones. I do like that the story can be read in several ways, though.

    My favorite part of this was the well-done dialect.

    • rich says:

      thanks very much. i usually get compliments for dialogue, which i think is my strength and an effective way of packing a lot into 100 words. and thanks for reading.

  24. Debra Kristi says:

    A little ghostly chatter. Fun. I hate to say I saw it coming…but I did. I still adore this bit of fiction. Nicely written. Unfortunately, I’ve heard that any work/home improvement projects of that nature can seriously kick up the spectral activity. Grandpa may end up with more than he bargained for.

    • rich says:

      if you saw it coming, then you’re a careful reader, and that’s a good thing. i appreciate your comments, and thanks very much for reading. and yes, disturbing a home can sometimes disturb unseen guests.

  25. unspywriter says:

    Even though I rather saw the end coming, you still gave me a big shiver. Excellent.

    Here’s mine: http://unexpectedpaths.com/friday-fictioneers/death-throes/

  26. Joe Owens says:

    I guess I think otherwise because I did not see the end coming. What a surprise. Nice job here Rich.

  27. Bee says:

    I love the tension created through the dialogue.

  28. This is an old barn; those bones, gotta be pretty old too.

  29. Cool! I like the idea of finding something under the barn. I just have one query, which might be one of those British vs American things. I thought it was spelt “grandpa”, with a d in the middle.

  30. JackieP says:

    oh my. I hope they weren’t his kids. If they were they should have haunted him more. I love ghosts.

  31. k~ says:

    Nice lead in for a longer tale to tell. I enjoyed this.

  32. Didn’t see that coming. Really love the dialogue

  33. annisik51 says:

    An unexpected (for me) twist ending. Thank you! It was well done.

  34. great dialogue, spot on. I was there, early 20th century, seeing the characters in their period clothing. Didn’t expect bones. kind of caught me off guard as I was humming along in story. twists do that you know.

  35. nightlake says:

    haunting tale..well done

  36. This story is really good, as usual terrific dialogue, and the ambiguity in the end .. I see 100s of word coming out of this :-)

  37. kz says:

    excellent story.. kinda saw it coming then it disturbed me how dark my mind got.lol but for some reason you still managed to surprise, with the bones there! when i played the scene in my mind, it was reeaaaally haunting. amazing work!

  38. Well done. Should’ve realised the kids were ghosts but didn’t. Didn’t the neighbours here the gunshots?

    • rich says:

      i don’t think they were shot, but also, some farms are faaaar away. or, are you making a play about the guy in south africa? either way, thanks for reading.

  39. 40again says:

    Not quite as dark as I thought you were going to be Mr Rich. I enjoyed the tale of the ghosts in the barn. Great dialogue, but then I wouldn’t have expected anything less from you.
    Like the new photo by the way
    Dee

    • rich says:

      yeah, not as dark, no death at the moment but it happened years before. thanks very much about the dialogue and the very kind words, and on the picture too. decided to do something different. and thanks very much for reading.

  40. Yikes! More bones? And even so, a different take. Good job.

  41. deanabo says:

    I would love to know what happens next!

  42. That was great. Didn’t expect that ending at all.

  43. :) Great story!!! I guess there were some skeletons in that closet/barn after all…

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