Why I Don’t Like Christmas

December 23, 2012

 reblogged from ’09 – because you’ve never seen it

Click “Like” if you want, but I prefer you don’t leave a comment.

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meh.ro10394

There’s only one day of the whole year that I truly hate, and it’s not one that I should hate.  It’s Christmas.  For about a dozen years I’ve spent Christmas Eve doing pretty much the same thing.  I wrap gifts for my kids and put them under the tree, stare at them a little while, and then go to bed hoping not to wake up until the 26th.  No matter how many gifts I might be able to give them, it never feels like enough, but that’s not the hard part.  The really hard, hateful part is that I then go to bed knowing that I won’t see them at all on Christmas Day.

Regardless, when I go to bed on Christmas Eve, I try as hard as I can to not cry, but I always lose.  And it’s not just crying.  It’s choking, sobbing, heaving, shoulder-shaking cries.  There have been some Christmas Eve’s that I’ve had someone next to me in bed.  They tried to console me and ask what was wrong, but it wasn’t easy to explain.

Christmas Day isn’t much better.  I spend it trying to focus on who is there instead of who isn’t.  I don’t like to open gifts because the gifts to my kids will just sit there until the 26th.  I don’t like a big deal to be made about Christmas.  I know that’s selfish, but we’re all allowed to be selfish sometimes.  I know that my attitude on Christmas doesn’t allow those around me to enjoy the day as fully as they might, but that’s because I don’t enjoy the day as fully as I might either.

I’m going to guess that IF my kids had been reading, they’ve gotten bored or annoyed and have moved on, so I can tell the rest now.  I don’t see my kids on Christmas because of two people:  their mother and the rotten divorce attorney that I had.  In the divorce agreement that was written more than ten years ago, my ex wanted the kids all day on Christmas while I wanted to either share the day or alternate each year.  My attorney wasn’t really a divorce attorney but was doing it to pay the bills until she became a prosecutor, which she did shortly after mishandling my case.  She convinced me to let the ex have Christmas because a few years down the road ex-wives are usually more friendly and willing to split or alternate Christmas Day.

Turns out the attorney was wrong, and the ex has become more stubborn about the holiday.  One of my kids recently asked her mother about spending half of the day with me.  The ex went on a hell of a tirade and used the word “I” roughly 25 times in explaining how hurtful it was for my kid to suggest that she would like to spend any part of Christmas Day with me.  Now the ex has a child with the new husband and is using that child to convince my kids even more strongly how wrong it would be if they were to spend Christmas with me because it would mean that their little sister would miss them soooo much.

I could explain more, but the point has been made.

I don’t like Christmas.

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Posted by brainsnorts

what’s up, daddio?

June 15, 2012

reposted, because you haven’t seen it, and for father’s day.

yes, that’s my dad when he was about 16.

i’ve notice a handful of books in recent years from celebrities and television personalities, non-fiction books that are like a tribute to the father from the son.  i would imagine that any father who has a son so motivated to write about him must be a great dad.  however, some dads are so tough with their sons that those sons spend a lifetime fighting for approval.  probably the most famous example would be howard stern, who has admitted thousands of times that his entire show is basically a way of proving to his father that he’s not an idiot.

although i’ll never be famous enough to write a book about my father, i can still recognize and admit that i learned a lot from him.  most of it was good, but some of what i learned was what can be called “what not to do.”

Be tough with your kids, but also be there when they need you.

Make sure they understand the difference between “earning” something and “being given” something.

Be ready for hardship, but be ready to have fun.

No matter what you do, I’ll be there to pat you on the back, and I’ll be there to grab you by the neck.

Sweating is good for you.

Put on some pants because I’m turning down the heat to save a few bucks.

If you join a team, you stick with it until the end of the season.  You don’t quit after a few losses.

Homework, then TV.

What Mom doesn’t know, Dad might.  What Dad doesn’t know, Mom will.

If you can’t say “sorry” when you did something, then don’t try using “please” when you want something.

Not every dinner tastes great, but every dinner will be healthy.

Just because I can give you what you want, doesn’t mean that I will.

Never accept the answer, “Because I said so.”

Sports are important, but they’re not worth fighting about.

If your teacher says you did it, then you’re guilty until proven innocent.

If your brother or sister says you did it, you’re innocent until proven guilty.

If your report card says you did it, well, you did it.

I won’t always have all the answers, but I’ll always do everything possible to find the ones I don’t have.

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Posted by brainsnorts

- bang goes the gavel

December 18, 2011

 

I average about 20 hits on my blog each day.  Compared to most that I read, 20 is nothing.  On a recent day I had 52, so I wondered what might have happened.  The only other time I had that many in one day was when I wrote something not very flattering about the town of Haddonfield, NJ, and it spread amongst the snooty residents quickly and unhappily.  I supposed just this statement alone might rekindle that, but probably not.

The recent 52 might have coincided with something else though: the day after my ex-wife was served with papers showing that I am trying to get my daughter to come and live with me.

What’s the connection?  First, I know that her lawyer hates me, so he was probably scouring my blog looking for information he could use against me.  Maybe statements, blog entries, such as the one in which I said that marijuana should be legalized, so he could use that to convince a judge that I’m not fit to be a custodial parent.  Of course my answer would be, “If you really think I’m not fit to take care of my kid, then why did you wait until now to pursue that angle?  Why have you let me spend time with my kid thus far and only now, while I’m trying to get more time, you’re claiming I’m unfit?”

The judge sent a letter to my and my ex-wife’s attorney’s asking each of us the same question:  why do you deserve what you want, and why should the other not get what they want?  That seems pretty simple, but it also seems like he wants us to do his job for him.  My ex claims that in a judgement from a few years ago I agreed not to seek any more increases in parenting time with my kids.  She’s not wrong, on paper.  However, where she IS wrong is that, logistically, I’M not seeking more time.  My daughter is.

What some people fail to recognize is the wants, needs, and pursuits of the children.  My daughter has asked for years to spend more time with me, but her mother has always maintained two things:  1. “of course, Rose.  Just tell me when you want to see your Dad, and we’ll work that out.”  and 2. “No, Rose, it’s just not a good day for you to go see your Dad.”

My kid is brave.  She’s standing up to her mother, knowing fully well that her mother can be tough.  The kid has been yelled at, cursed at, had tv remotes and chairs thrown in her direction, been mislead, swindled, and just plain lied to.  I don’t know how she maintains the toughness to keep going, but I’m damn lucky she’s doing it.

Several seasoned lawyers have all agreed that even if you have the most perfect and logical argument entirely spelled out for the court,  you’re still at the mercy of whatever mood the judge is in on that day.  I’ve seen it happen – I think.

I’ve been before judges about five times in my life.  Not once has it worked out in my favor.  However, this is probably the most important of them all.

Leave a Comment » | ex-wife, haddonfield, kids, parenting | Tagged: , , , , | Permalink
Posted by brainsnorts

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