The Campaign – Or, The Biggest Loser

February 23, 2013

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For many years/films I completely disliked Will Ferrell on screen because it seemed that he played every role with the same over-the-top hyper-enthusiasm (see: Old School, Semi Pro, Step Brothers, Wedding Crashers, Talladega Nights, most SNL appearances).  But when Jon Favreau directed him in Elf, Ferrell showed that – with the right director – there was more of an actor inside him, similar to when Paul Mazursky discovered how much more of an actor was inside Robin Williams in Moscow on the Hudson.  Up until then, most scripts for Williams literally had pages that read “Robin does something funny here.”  It doesn’t work, which is why we have directors.  For the same reason, The Campaign doesn’t work either.

In The Campaign, Ferrell reunites with director Jay Roach (Austin Powers, Meet the Fockers) who not only allows Ferrell and Zach Galinfianakis to improvise too much, he also resorts to the same crude humor prevalent in the Austin Powers films.  I’m no prude.  Dick jokes can be funny, testament being how many times I watch Jackass , but they need to be used sparingly because even a funny dick can wear out its welcome.

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Long-time incumbent North Carolina Congressman Cam Brady (Ferrell) seems to be running unopposed until two egotistical billionaires, the Motch Brothers (Jon Lithgow and Dan Akroyd, in a premise too similar to Trading Places) challenge Brady by financing Marty Huggins, an unlikely political challenger and son of one of their best friends.  Brady is in the mold of that same over-the-top Ferrell, drinking and bullying his way thanks to a sense of entitlement and idiocy brought on by patronizing handlers, while Huggins is more of a church-going, bad-sweater-wearing, effeminate-talking family man.

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From their first public meeting, kind of a Meet the Candidates luncheon, Brady comes out swinging with a video tribute to Huggins that includes pictures of him throughout school years depicting him as an overweight, clumsy oaf.  Despite his inexperience, Huggins does not back down but needs the help of slick campaign manager Tim Wattley (Dylan McDermott) hired by the Motch Brothers, likely based on the Koch Brothers who have tossed millions at the likes of various Republican candidates in the past few elections.  Wattley immediately transforms Huggins’s house, wardrobe, and family into those of a more mainstream candidate.  From there, it’s event after event and major embarrassing gaffe after gaffe.  The polls go up and down like a see-saw thanks to baby punching, dog punching, DWI arrest, one shooting the other, and a sex-filled message on the wrong answering machine.

As I said, I’m no prude.  The scene in which Huggins asks his family to confess anything embarrassing that might be used against him in the campaign is brilliant.  I cried laughing, but that same type of humor was piled on a little too heavy.  It wasn’t a matter of nudity but more about the language and suggestions of what was happening that you didn’t exactly see.  The sex inside the port o’ potty, sex with a woman’s head in a freezer, the sex and sexual imagery in the negative campaign commercials were just plain overkill.  By the time they get to the actual election, I was just hoping it would all get over and done with, and it would have been a perfectly acceptable ending if an ethics committee had disqualified both of them and declared a squirrel as the winner.

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If Roach is going to direct anything more successful than this, he’s going to have to get his head out of the toilet.  Occasionally, we all need a toilet, but only for about four minutes a day and not forty minutes of a film.  The Huggins family confession scene was mostly toilet.  Don’t get me wrong, it was brilliant, but that line of comedy can get old fast.  Another brilliant moment was the housekeeper Mrs. Yao (Karen Maruyama) at the home of Marty’s father, Ron Huggins.  I won’t even hint at what was so funny because it would kill the joke if you ever happen to see it.  I tried to find it on YouTube but no go.  It’s only a few seconds, it’s genius, but it’s not worth paying a rental fee.

The Campaign is supposed to make fun of actual mudslinging that takes place during the nastiest of political seasons, and there is probably more truth to this film than I realize.  If that’s what you’re looking for, I would recommend Primary Colors with John Travolta, Emma Thompson, Kathy Bates (Best Supporting Actress nominee), and Billy Bob Thornton and directed by Mike Nichols (The Birdcage, The Graduate).  As for The Campaign, it’s a two-joke movie when you only have time for one.

Teacher gives it a D.


Your Weekend Horoscopes 1/26

January 26, 2013

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Aries

That cigarette you’re holding will finally be your last one,

but it’s not because you’re quitting.

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Taurus

At least you’ll still have the other two children.

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Gemini 

Sorry, but statistically, someone has to drown.

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Cancer

For your whole life you’ve called her “Mom.”

That’s about to change.

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leo

Leo

“What goes up must come down” applies equally

to baseballs and Boeing.  Enjoy those peanuts.

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Virgo

True, she’s 18.  Think her father cares?  Pack light.

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Libra

That death smell in the attic?  Turns out it’s bigger than a squirrel.

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scorpio

Scorpio

Go ahead, name it “Fluffy.”  Previous owner called it “Satan.”

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Sagittarius

True – sometimes they do grow back, but not for humans.

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Capricorn

Rock breaks scissors, but paper ain’t covering shit.  Run!

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Aquarius

Good news:  You’re birthday will be fabulous!

Bad news:  Wear a skirt you’re willing to lose.

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Pisces

Pisces

I know it’s off topic, but can you look at that without thinking “69?”

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See you next week!

Maybe Aquarius will have a new skirt.

Maybe not.  ;)

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Why Advertising People Are Annoying

September 10, 2012

Not only do I love sports, but I’m one of those people who take sports too seriously.  For example, it’s not a secret that my favorite sports team of all sports teams is the New York Yankees.  Their uniforms do NOT have names on the back, but sporting goods stores regularly sell Yankees jerseys WITH names on the back, and that pisses me off greatly.  Of course I shouldn’t care, but I do.  I’ve written previous posts about things involving sports that were wrong, such as mistakes in films that involved sports, but this one – for me – is way worse.  And although most of the rest of the world would say, “Really?  You really care about that?  You have too much free time.”  And that’s not wrong, but if you’re going to spend millions of dollars to produce a commercial, you’re going to look like an idiot if you can’t get it right.

Yokohama did not get it right.

Yokohama Tires is currently airing a commercial in which cars are driving around in such a way that each car is mimicking the movements of football players, thus touting their tire performance by comparing a bunch of cars to an actual football game.  Click on the picture below to see the commercial:

 

 

 

Now, to compare, here’s an example of a typical football play as they are drawn up by coaches.

Notice the little X’s and O’s on the diagram?  They represent football players.  The O’s are for the offense and the X’s are for the defense.  But did you notice something in the commercial?  No, you probably didn’t because you’re normal and I obsess over sports.  In the commercial, there were X’s used to represent the offense and O’s for the defense, which is exactly the opposite of what it should be.

First, someone get me a secretary.  Then, have my secretary get Yokohama the phone so I can tell them to fire someone.

Thanks.  You can go back to the things in your life that are way more important than this brief rant.


- philly sucks

December 4, 2011

I grew up five minutes from New York City.  In literally five minutes, you could be through the Lincoln Tunnel and into Manhattan.  It took us a little longer as kids because we had to take the NJ transit train from the Ridge Road station in Lyndhurst to Hoboken for $1.35, then a 50 cent PATH train ride under the river and we popped out from beneath Madison Square Garden.  There were nights when Gary Kowalksi and I were bored as hell and had a great need for four things:  music, hockey, video games, and pizza.  Keep in mind it was the early 80’s and there was no such thing as iPods or Nintendo.  You couldn’t pop in a DigDug or Burgertime or Joust disc and play until morning.  We had to actually get quarters.  “Everything cost quarters.” 

Although many people think of NYC as gross, it never looked that way to us.  We could easily find our way to the New York Palladium to see Elvis Costello or Joe Jackson about once a week if need be.  The train dumped us below the Garden.  Walk upstairs and scalp Rangers tickets?  Piece of cake if you wanted to go.  I remember one particularly tough choice when the Minnesota North Stars were playing the Rangers on the same night as the Steelers and Rams in the Super Bowl.  I chose the Rangers mainly because the North Stars had an amazing rookie goalie named Don Beaupre.  As easily as I could now drive to the mall, we could get two slices at Famous Ray’s or Ben’s pizza, and then a short walk to the Haagen Daas store.  Not once did we ever stop to think about being mugged.  It happened, I’m sure, but we were too dumb to think about it.

Now, I live equally close to Philadelphia, and I have almost equal access to as much stuff.  I’ve driven at a moment’s notice to Philly, scalped tickets in the parking lot, and enjoyed several Springsteen concerts and Flyers games.  I’ve stumbled into – and out of – some amazing fun clubs on South Street, where you have to remember that “what happens on South Street stays on South Street.”  I’ve tried to compare the pro’s and con’s of NYC and Philly, and it seems that there’s one big difference:  the people.  Philly people, in general, are stupid.

They brag about their sports loyalty and how great of a sports town Philly is, but it’s not.  Back in the 90’s there were several 76er and Eagles playoff games that were not sold out.  Can you possibly imagine the Knicks or Giants playing in front of empty seats – even in the regular season?  We’re talking playoffs, and Philly couldn’t sell out the game.  That’s just wrong.  On their most famous sports radio station, WIP (610 AM and 94.1 FM) they brag about how great a sports town they are, but callers will regularly mispronounce the names of their own players.  You don’t hear that out of New York fans.  It is not uncommon for Philadelphia athletes to comment about the lack of intelligence of their own people.  Jimmy Rollins, the Phillies starting shortstop did it, as well as Jason Avante, a notable Philadelphia Eagle.

But the dumbness doesn’t stop with the fans.  Eagles coach Andy Reid has made a career out of calling losses “unacceptable” and saying that he is to blame.  Yet the journalists do not call him out.  Just once, I wish they’d ask, “Andy, if it’s your fault, then shouldn’t you be fired?”  He avoids the questions, and week after week the city accepts it.  When Donavan McNabb was having his ups and downs, I was amazing at the openly racist attitude of the Philly fans.  They could be heard day and night saying that blacks were just not ready to be quarterback.  I’m sure they wouldn’t know the difference between an offense tackle and guard.  I’m sure they couldn’t tell you who is getting the ball and where he is going on a 23 trap.  And if you really want to test how dumb Philly is, it wasn’t until 2005 that they finally passed a law that allows you to buy beer on a Sunday.  Seriously!

If the Giants suck, a New Yorker will tell you that the Giants suck.  Mets fans know they suck.  But an Eagles fan will blindly believe they’re going undefeated year after year. 

This past baseball season, Philly got a second sports radio station: WPEN, an ESPN Radio station.  As the playoffs approached, they constantly ran a promo saying that “every game of the post season could be heard on ESPN radio.”  So when the Cardinals were fighting the Brewers in the NLCS (and acronym that Philly fans couldn’t explain, nor could they define “acronym”) I tuned in to WPEN to hear endless hours of callers debating if it was time to fire Andy Reid.  I called the station and asked where the hell the baseball game was.  “What kind of Eagles fan are you?” they asked.  “Are you seriously going to tell me that your audience wants to hear yet another idiot’s opinion about Andy Reid when two teams are fighting to get to the World Series?”  It wasn’t a surprise that they hung up before I could say even half of that.”

Any fan of any sport in any city knows that Philadelphia is regarded to have the roughest fans.  They’re notorious for booing Santa and cheering when an opposing player is lying motionless on the field.  Their security force has tasered unarmed fans who were lying prone on the field, arms and legs apart.   However, let’s keep in mind that Philly fans have also had some very difficult challenges in their own lives, starting with kindergarten.


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