#fridayfictioneers 6/1 – via madison woods

Every Wednesday Madison Woods posts a picture prompt to challenge writers to create a 100-word story or poem or anything that works for you.  then post your work on your blog.  additionally, on friday, you go back to her site and post a link to your blog entry in the comments on her friday fictioneers post.

I’m going to try to keep up with this, as should you.  give it a shot.  i prefer to stick to 100 words, but she doesn’t mind either way.  not everyone has the time to sit and write, revise, edit, revise, edit, etc. until getting it down to 100 and telling everything you want to tell.

here’s this week’s picture and my 100 words –

.

.

.

“What’s it say?”

“It’s kinda weird.”

Broke ankle days back.  Crawled best I can.  Whoever finds this, tell my kids I love them   they in my thoughts until end   sun settn.  probly no survvv antoher nigt   ccold      Jus wiss I lisstn to th guid    tol me t pok stik in snow ahed o me    alll ma lov to mom to   

som one coomin now.   Wow.  Lights so bright.  Oh how beautiful.  Good bye.  Love and bless you all.  They’re waiting.

 

“Shame he couldn’t stand and see the camp ahead.  Mighta given him hope to keep going.”

“Don’t worry.  He’s okay.”

________________________

100 words

60 thoughts on “#fridayfictioneers 6/1 – via madison woods

  1. I’m a bit confused as to why his writing gets jumbled then suddenly better at the end of the note. Perhaps I’m just not understanding it correctly, but to me it would have made more sense to turn into something completely illegible. I liked the idea though.

    • when it got more clear, he said he saw a bright light and something beautiful. he was dying, and someone or something from the afterlife was coming for him, thus he was regaining some consciousness as that person/being approached.

      • That’s what I figured you were going for, it just didn’t resonate with me. That’s not a knock on your story or anything. Just saying I would have gone a different direction.

      • if we don’t go in different directions, it wouldn’t be very creative and reading them all would get boring after about three.

      • i did some editing. maybe it’s more clear now. i think i saw something that was causing confusion. thanks for the questions because it’s valuable feedback.

    • thanks. that’s not a word you hear every day. i remember when i first heard it, a college film class, and the guy had a french accent. was funny and i never let it go.

  2. I am amazed he was able to find something to write with. I can never find a piece of paper or pen when I need them the most! Enjoyed reading. Happy Friday

  3. Very fine writing, Rich. I love teh guy’s two writing styles, one depicting him dying and almost incoherent, his mind in agony, and then with the clear light illuminating his mind, he becomes lucid in thougts and writing. Incidentally, on her death bed, my mother-in-law cried out that she saw a bright light and her long dead mother beckoning. These things do happen. Well done. Mine is here: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/06/01/fridayfictioneers-my-pilot/

  4. Dear Rich,

    Your story held me right to the end, and what an end. I felt I understood exactly what was happening and your response to comments lets me know I was following where you led.

    There is something deap seated in the human psyche concerning ‘crossing over’ to use an over worked but applicable phrase. You tapped that vein for some ‘Rich’ ore. Well done and hey, sorry I took so long to get here. You are one of my must reads in this growing group of writers.

    Aloha,

    Doug

  5. Damn, this little story really did hit the spot Rich. My Mum had that short moment of clarity and even ate ice-cream so I didn’t find the writing change discordant at all. Just lovely.

  6. The bright light, angel of death comes to escort him across the tide that divides mortality from eternity? We all want to assume that he is in a better place, thus he is ok? At least this is what I gleaned from the story. I liked that you changed his consciousness level from his mortal mind to the immortal…..

  7. Very cool, I like the how you had the “letter” done in a state of panic/distress, and then once the light comes the writer is more lucid and confident. Only thing: because you never mentioned/hinted at the presence of an actual dead body, my first instinct was actually that he was abducted by aliens, and the beautiful light was their ship. Just something to think about.

    • hate you? no, that was the point. one guy was thinking “poor bastard, just missed the camp” and the other guy was thinking, “Nah, he’s in a better place.”

  8. LIke the breakdown of language as his situation deteriorates and the return as he sees the Light! I also thought he was being rescued at first, but then he could have been. These guys don’t really know what happened to him. Seems to have many viable interpretations. Good read!

  9. So, we were both into notes left by stranded people this week. How strange! I didn’t know whether it was a search party with the lights, or something from Space. Having stopped my comment to look at the others, I see that both of my ideas are wrong. Of course, I have to say that the idea of someone writing a note was absolutely brilliant. Obviously.

    • both of your ideas are not wrong. it could easily have been something from space. or it could have been something “heavenly.” so you are just as right as anyone can be.

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