5/4 friday fictioneers, via madison woods

every wednesday madison woods posts a picture prompt to challenge writers to create a 100-word story or poem or anything that works for you.  then post your work on your blog.  additionally, on friday, you go back to her site and post a link to your blog entry in the comments on her friday fictioneers post.

i’m going to try to keep up with this, as should you.  give it a shot.  i prefer to stick to 100 words, but she doesn’t mind either way.  not everyone has an hour and a half like i had this morning to sit and write, revise, edit, revise, edit, etc. until getting it down to 100 and telling everything you want to tell.

here’s this week’s picture.  if you don’t want to read my entry or be influenced by what i wrote, then don’t scroll beyond the picture.  until friday.

.

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Heather reluctantly pulled her lips away, breathing heavily, chest pounding, his too.  When John reached for her belt this time, she smiled.  Back arched, she lifted her ass off the blanket covering the dirty, plywood floor.  He tugged her jeans away, stood, removed his own.  His ache was obvious, ready. He crawled up to kiss again.  Her legs wrapped, pulled him against her.  Warm and perfect.

“This so beats Algebra,” she groaned.  “You’re brilliant.”

“Me?  I just followed the map you put in my locker.”

“What map?”  Ready lips fell silent.  Eyes widened, then twitched.

Footsteps, coming up the stairs.

(100 words)

82 thoughts on “5/4 friday fictioneers, via madison woods

  1. Wow. I liked this one a lot. do you mind if I make one suggestion? I think you went one sentence too far. I love the way the character, says What map? and they the eyes twitch. That alone makes me realize there is someone else in the house. I think the last sentence weakens the shock. Just my opinion.

  2. you are so amazing Richard..I saw this photo and really thought for an hour still nothing came to my mind…
    and now i read your story and am absolutely sure flash fictions are not for me….
    How do you come up with these stories…they are just brillant

  3. You’ve already done yours? Man, I need some inspiration stat. Great story! The algebra comment gave me a sense of age. Then you dropped the scary twist down on me. Poor kids, maybe algebra would’ve been better. Nice work.

  4. Nice story Rich. The build up was soothing, nostalgic. I think many of us were imagining ourselves in the same place, mabye a memory, perhaps a fantasy. Alone it would have stood. The twist made it really good.

    • thank you sir. that’s what i was aiming for. twist in the last sentence, although someone pointed out that i didn’t need it. i think they were right, it’s better without it, but i’ll live with it as it is. looking forward to plenty to read tomorrow.

  5. Hi RIch,

    One of the best I’ve read this morning. (Janet’s right though. The impact would have been as great and the fear it elicited would have struck deep into the hearts of your panting readers. All in all about a 97 on the Tomatometer. Well done.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    P.S. Thanks for reading mine. This link is a non-anonymous map to your readers. Trying to blow some of them away with my story, if you get my drift. Thanks, D.

    http://ironwoodwind.wordpress.com/2012/05/04/the-nerve/

    • well that’s a fabulous thing for you to say. thanks. and yes, janet is right. last week someone suggested an edit, and i changed it right away, but this time i left it anyway even though she was right.

  6. It’s all subjective, I know. Your story was so good that it doesn’t matter. Nuance and lighting, but sometimes they add to the overall effect. (I changed bitch to witch after reading several comments, realizing it added one more thread to the warp and woof of Ozbique references in mine.) Your stuff is consistently good, my friend. it’s a pleasure to step into your worlds every Friday.

    A hui hou,

    D.

  7. A great story Rich.
    Loved that double twist at the end – fist the map, what map & then the footsteps on the stairs. Great.

  8. Great story here, I love the passion you depict and then the sudden twist as they realise there’s been a mistake. I agree with one or two above – the last line doesn’t add anything for me. The twist is perfect in “what map” and their physical reaction.

  9. Uh-oh. I loved the way you brought about the pause when both of them realized something just wasn’t quite right about that map deal. Great story!

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