Your Weekend Horoscopes 2/2

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Aries

Someone will try to scam you.  Send me $50 and I’ll tell you who.

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Taurus

Good time to make that confession to your spouse.

Relax.  His/hers will be waaaaay worse.

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Gemini 

Know what it means to “cauterize” a wound?

Better look it up. Quickly.

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Cancer

I’ve never seen fingernails ripped out before.  Please share pics after.

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Leo

Stay home from work today.  Someone is going “postal.”

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Virgo

It’s all fun and games until someone gets a splintered needle lodged in one’s duodenum and the impending anxiety brings stroke-like symptoms, causing light headedness resulting in stumbling down a flight of steps and landing on poor, unsuspecting Mrs. Nelson from 3B.

It could happen.

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Libra

Don’t move.  Serious.  Not a muscle.  It’s right behi-

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scorpio

Scorpio

Allergic?  To peanuts?  Now you’re cured.  Dig into those pistachios!

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Sagittarius

That crazy cat lady knows who killed JFK.  Go ask her.

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Capricorn

There will be a hitchhiker on the way home.  Pick him up.  All good.

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Aquarius

You always wanted to be on the news.  Better yet – “Breaking News!”

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Pisces

Pisces

You can drink citric acid, so why not just plain acid?

Go for it!

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See you next week!

Don’t forget the $50, Aries.

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38 thoughts on “Your Weekend Horoscopes 2/2

  1. You nailed mine! I just got tagged in a photo and it was Southwest Airlines and it is spam! I can’t get it off my timeline on FB! It is like the Blob. Get it off! Please someone.. Help!!!!!!!!
    🙂
    Don’t worry. I changed my password…
    You should go into the business.

  2. “Aries: Someone will try to scam you. Send me $50 and I’ll tell you who.”

    I’m an Aries; April fifteenth. But what if they’re trying to scam me for less than $50? Well, I better not take any chance, I’ve been scammed many times. So, like, is it okay with you if I give you my credit card number and personal ID number?

    Thanks in advance.

    • Thanks very much. Teaching middle school for 25 years probably gives me an advantage. I don’t know for how many weeks I can continue, but I will certainly try.

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