Aries Someone will try to scam you. Send me $50 and I’ll tell you who. ______________________________________ Taurus Good time to make that confession to your spouse. Relax. His/hers will be waaaaay worse. ______________________________________ Gemini Know what it means to “cauterize” a wound? Better look it up. Quickly. ______________________________________ Cancer I’ve never seen fingernails ripped out…
Aries That cigarette you’re holding will finally be your last one, but it’s not because you’re quitting. ______________________________________ Taurus At least you’ll still have the other two children. ______________________________________ Gemini Sorry, but statistically, someone has to drown. ______________________________________ Cancer For your whole life you’ve called her “Mom.” That’s about to change. ______________________________________ Leo “What goes up must…
Aries Good news: Your loneliness is about to end. Bad news: They’ll have badges. ______________________________________ Taurus Don’t buy those new socks just yet. Something important is approaching, and you might only need half as many. ______________________________________ Gemini Like swimming? So do sharks. Just saying. ______________________________________ Cancer Don’t even bother. You’re so fucked. ______________________________________ Leo You’re…
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