Aries
That cigarette you’re holding will finally be your last one,
but it’s not because you’re quitting.
______________________________________
Taurus
At least you’ll still have the other two children.
______________________________________
Gemini
Sorry, but statistically, someone has to drown.
______________________________________
Cancer
For your whole life you’ve called her “Mom.”
That’s about to change.
______________________________________
Leo
“What goes up must come down” applies equally
to baseballs and Boeing. Enjoy those peanuts.
______________________________________
Virgo
True, she’s 18. Think her father cares? Pack light.
______________________________________
Libra
That death smell in the attic? Turns out it’s bigger than a squirrel.
______________________________________
Scorpio
Go ahead, name it “Fluffy.” Previous owner called it “Satan.”
______________________________________
Sagittarius
True – sometimes they do grow back, but not for humans.
______________________________________
Capricorn
Rock breaks scissors, but paper ain’t covering shit. Run!
______________________________________
Aquarius
Good news: You’re birthday will be fabulous!
Bad news: Wear a skirt you’re willing to lose.
______________________________________
Pisces
I know it’s off topic, but can you look at that without thinking “69?”
______________________________________
See you next week!
Maybe Aquarius will have a new skirt.
Maybe not. 😉
______________________________________
brainsnorts inc. 
My morning giggle. Thank you.
thank you for reading.
I enjoyed this. It was funny!
thanks very much.
I am an Aquarius, I love my horoscope, and I hope to lose my fucking skirt.
me too!
it is date night…
setting up cameras now.
You are right on last week … so how I’m starting to wonder!
put in a whole week with the psychic hotline.
remember kyra phillips? they moved her over to HLN.
(I think the phone rang when I was answering before).
Kyra is a classy fav. I think her move to CNN was to accommodate her schedule for dealing with young twins.
Good thing I don’t plan on swimming this week.
no polar bear plunge?
Not that I know of.
this is fantastic – very much enjoyed
thanks very much.
Glad I’m smart enough to figure out my own life!
i’m glad too. thanks for reading.
*giggles* My two horoscopes are hilarious! And um…one is a little too apt.. ;-p
do i get to know which is too apt?
Hehehehe – let’s just say there’s a boy who is OVER 18 but 10 years younger than me. 😉
Then that’s a damn lucky boy.
*giggles* 🙂
Death by drowning? Time to stop bathing.
maybe a foot bath. or sponge bath.
Hey, I finally have an excuse. Don’t ruin it.
oh. i see. ok. shhh.
VERY funny!
very thanks.
Dang! This is hilarious!!! Looking forward for more 🙂
thanks very much.
Ok that was pure genius
well, i guess i’ll just have to agree. thanks for reading.
Fluffy? Seriously?
binky? cuddles? snuggles?
Loved this. Thanks.
LOL! too funny!
thanks miss.
thanks miss.
Well, I “used” to be able to look at that without thinking “69”.
sooooo sorry i ruined it for you!
Lol – at least, I don’t think of 77…are you familiar with that one?
Nope. Feel free to explain.
Hilarious work, my friend!
thanks. i hope you didn’t die in your horoscope.
I’m still here, not to worry.
maybe not after next week. don’t tell me your sign. let it be random.
A regular Dionne Warwick over here.
Trying my best to do my worst.
reverse acting. double hard.
Impending death from all angles. I’m allergic to peanuts…
duly noted. i’ll keep them away.
Thank you.