Aries
Good news: Your loneliness is about to end.
Bad news: They’ll have badges.
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Taurus
Don’t buy those new socks just yet. Something important is approaching, and you might only need half as many.
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Gemini
Like swimming? So do sharks. Just saying.
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Cancer
Don’t even bother. You’re so fucked.
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Leo
You’re getting fired next week. There’ll never be a better time to slap the boss’s ass. Or his daughter’s.
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Virgo
Just admit you’re gay. You think they don’t know?
C’mon. Who else would wear those shoes?
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Libra
Don’t be a pussy! Make up your mind already!
That’s why they all hate you.
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Scorpio
That fear of needles is about to pay off. Hint: Buy sunglasses.
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Sagittarius
Sorry. You’re gonna step in dog shit. Even if you never leave home.
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Capricorn
Your husband/wife was right. You forgot to lock the door.
Pick up a knife on the way home.
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Aquarius
That seems like just an annoying cough, but they haven’t even given a name to what you caught from that prostitute. And, that was a dude.
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Pisces
Congrats! You’re pregnant! But when he’s 12, he’ll kill the dog.
Trust me.
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See you next week! Unless you’re Capricorn.
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brainsnorts inc. 
haaa dead on!
thanks for reading. i hope yours isn’t toooo bad.
ooh it was I am a libra. but is is soo damn true haa
oooh. me too libra too.
ohhh is right 🙂 Libras rock really
yes we do
I loved it.
thanks very much. hoping to do it each week, or occasionally.
Can you read crystal balls as well?
working on it.
Don’t forget you need an appropriate name and costume – ooh don’t forget to post the photos! Ha Ha.
i once worked for the psychic hotline, but only for about a week.
I know, I remember reading about it in one of your posts.
my laugh for the day. Now, I’m off to the store to purchase those new sunglasses.
good luck. you’ll need it.
I love this, but can I request more gender-neutral ones in future?
By the way, I’m a virgo and there is NOTHING wrong with my shoes.
i was thinking about gender, but i wasn’t sure how to address it. i will review for sure.
So, I am fucked eh? Guess that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. BA DUN TSsS. Cancers RULE!
yeah, that could be a verb or an adjective. go optimist!
Excuse me, I am … busy.
oh no you di-in’t.
wow I’m getting fired from a job I don’t have and slapping imaginary arses woooo!
then you can go into any office and slap any ass you want.
just what I needed to hear…I’m off to the bank.
excellent choice. then the gym. lotsa jiggling asses to slap there.
the gym! never! that’s like sending me to the pit of doom
more the reason to slap some ass.
Huh, mine wasn’t so bad. Something about sharks
yeah, but it’s a warning. don’t buy a calendar.
Dammit!!! What’s wrong with Cancer??? My day is ruined.
it was suggested that “fucked” might be a past tense verb instead of an adjective. so that could work out well.
I’m not buying it…*sobs*. I know, I’ll find another horoscope that tells me what I want to hear!!!
that’s how it works. we don’t like the answer, we ask someone else.
Exactly!!
Too late…you should have posted this yesterday…just bought socks! Damn….so which Isle of Beach am I NOT going to?
isle of beach?
Great I’m gonna get pregnant? I choose to look on the bright side…… I’m going to get laid!!! 😉
atta girl!!
hmmm *looks at feet*, I don’t wear shoes too often, so I’m not worried. I have basic black shoes anyway, goes with everything.
hahahaha…love it. Not buying socks. 🙂
good idea. thanks for reading.
hahaha…brilliant…
thanks, miss. i’m aiming for brilliant for sure.
Rich, I believe you may be reading the stars with a bit of dyslexia. The result is quite entertaining, but I’m not sure how accurate this is. For instance, as a Gemini I certainly wont be swimming. Pfft, its winter. Um, a shark fin just went floating by the window. I’m leaving.
when it’s time to go, it’s time to go. thanks for reading.
An unusual take on life and horoscopes Rich 🙂
thanks miss. hope you survived yours.
It was a dude? Really? I really need to start paying closer attention to these things.
I liked it. Or, wait, did I… Um, yeah, yeah, I did. I think…. Please don’t hate me. 😉
hate you? never. on a saturday. in winter.
Well dam, I’m not afraid of needles… which means my fear can’t pay off… I guess I’m screwed >.<
happens to the best of us.
I guess I should have read this before my dog got the runs. All over the house. Repeatedly. Thanks a lot.
oh crap. no pun intended.
I demand a review through tarot cards.
maybe next week you’ll do better.
btw – i believe this comment about tarot cards was #10,000. atta boy.
It was in the cards!
in the cards. uh huh.
Commencing ass-slapping tomorrow. Considering I’m already a woman, don’t think it’ll matter too much whose ass I slap.
It’s okay if they have badges…just sayin’
Scott