Aries
Someone will try to scam you. Send me $50 and I’ll tell you who.
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Taurus
Good time to make that confession to your spouse.
Relax. His/hers will be waaaaay worse.
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Gemini
Know what it means to “cauterize” a wound?
Better look it up. Quickly.
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Cancer
I’ve never seen fingernails ripped out before. Please share pics after.
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Leo
Stay home from work today. Someone is going “postal.”
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Virgo
It’s all fun and games until someone gets a splintered needle lodged in one’s duodenum and the impending anxiety brings stroke-like symptoms, causing light headedness resulting in stumbling down a flight of steps and landing on poor, unsuspecting Mrs. Nelson from 3B.
It could happen.
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Libra
Don’t move. Serious. Not a muscle. It’s right behi-
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Scorpio
Allergic? To peanuts? Now you’re cured. Dig into those pistachios!
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Sagittarius
That crazy cat lady knows who killed JFK. Go ask her.
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Capricorn
There will be a hitchhiker on the way home. Pick him up. All good.
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Aquarius
You always wanted to be on the news. Better yet – “Breaking News!”
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Pisces
You can drink citric acid, so why not just plain acid?
Go for it!
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See you next week!
Don’t forget the $50, Aries.
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brainsnorts inc. 
You nailed mine! I just got tagged in a photo and it was Southwest Airlines and it is spam! I can’t get it off my timeline on FB! It is like the Blob. Get it off! Please someone.. Help!!!!!!!!
🙂
Don’t worry. I changed my password…
You should go into the business.
It’s a good thing I live in a house, Mrs Nelson from 3B is safe from me. For now. 😉
I’m Virgo too and I I was thinking the same thing! We’d better watch out for splintered needles though, just in case…
ha! I will indeed watch for splintered needles. 🙂
Good idea, and thanks for reading.
Thanks for that warning about the scam artist.
“Aries: Someone will try to scam you. Send me $50 and I’ll tell you who.”
I’m an Aries; April fifteenth. But what if they’re trying to scam me for less than $50? Well, I better not take any chance, I’ve been scammed many times. So, like, is it okay with you if I give you my credit card number and personal ID number?
Thanks in advance.
I’m a Taurus. You were so right. I mean – TWELVE men?! Geez…
you should do this professionally, Brainsnorts.
i agree. thanks for reading.
Too funny!
thanks for reading. happy sunday.
Happy Sunday to you too! Superbowl party today
Acid, you say! I hear it converts to alkaline in the body anyway, riiight??
i don’t plan to find out. thanks for reading.
Its in the mail… hehehe
good idea. thanks for reading.
This should be your full-time job. These are do much better than what makes it into the papers.
thanks very much. i hope you didn’t die this week.
I don’t think I did. How would I know?
oops. i mean i hope your horoscope is only sickness or maiming, not death.
That’s very kind of you to say.
I work at it.
becoming a Sunday ritual for me. you’ve impressed my teenage son. Kudos, there aren’t many who do.
Thanks very much. Teaching middle school for 25 years probably gives me an advantage. I don’t know for how many weeks I can continue, but I will certainly try.
This time it’s the Virgo horoscope…how did they know????
shhh. secret.
It’s a little sketchy for the Libra….if you say so.
I am Aries…I bet if I think long enough I can figure it out for myself…
I’m thinking so too.
hahahahahaha good one for aquarious
thanks very much, and thanks for reading.
Damn, I moved. But I’m still here…. I think.
you look like you’re still here, so i’m thinking you’re right.
I laughed so hard my sides hurt now. Thank you, Sir. I needed a good laugh.
i’m glad i could help you laugh. have a great day.
Oh man. Someone’s trying to scam me? Seriously? I should have read this earlier. I don’t even have the $50. Probably spent it on the scam.
see that. it happens.