i don’t watch much television, maybe only three shows: some sports, the daily show with john stewart, and i often watch house, but only because my girlfriend is watching it and i’m in the same room. although the character of gregory house is very interesting, it still comes down to the show, which is a stupid show because every episode is the same 12-step program:

1. patient with something unusual gets brought into the hospital.

2. patient has symptoms that seem to be obviously something

3. house makes a racial joke about foreman

4. treatment begins, and house is wrong

5. new treatment, still wrong, patient now critical

6. house will flirt with cameron, whose hair color changes as often as “13’s” sex partners

7. new treatment, still wrong, patient really critical

8. yet another treatment, still nothing, patient about to die

9. house wants to try a controversial treatment/operation and pesters his boss, dr. cuddy (usually sporting an inappropriately low-cut top, a mop of sad hair, and a nice ass depending on the camera angle) into approving the treatment/operation

10. with or without permission, house orders the controversial treatment/operation even though the treatment/operation itself might kill the patient

11. just before the treatment/operation begins, house sees a random thing that causes him to realize what the problem really is.

12. house limps in to stop the treatment/operation and explain to the dying patient that he or she will not die is stupid in one way or another.

the other characters constantly make mention to the “fact” that house is never wrong, but i strongly disagree. if house were never wrong, then these patients wouldn’t be on death’s door so often, and they wouldn’t be saved by such randomness. in one episode, it was a chess piece that triggered the realization. one of my favorites was when a woman was dying because of an irregularity that was connected to her period. house was talking to his boss and mentioned an “aunt flo.” so the word “flo” made him think of “flow,” which made him think of menstrual bleeding. the writers were really hurting that week. i think my real favorite was when he was leering at a 16-year old girl as she walked away from him, and her red thong was visible above the waistline of her jeans. the color red made him think of something, can’t recall exactly. so i guess if he weren’t staring at a teenagers ass, the patient would have died? and this man is a genius? not in my world.

if this were baseball, his batting average would be about .100 because it takes him about ten tries an episode before he finally gets it right.