My continued thanks for coming back again. This chapter is one that is supposed to give the story some direction. I don’t know if that’s clear, or if that is clear enough. I hope it works for you. If not, I know that you will let me know. What I don’t know is if it enough to keep you reading. Fingers crossed.
Update – I have made changes in the past day or so, changes in blue.
The elderly man hadn’t moved, gotten up, nothing. One moment he wasn’t there, then he was there. His smile was comforting, as if a shopping mall Santa Claus suit were to smile at you in mid December. They relaxed and sat back.
“We – we’re hearing you, right?” Chris asked.
“Yes, we can hear and see each other,” the man said softly.
“Are you the homeless guy I saw when I was getting on the train?” Chris asked.
“Yes, but I’m not homeless. I just find these clothes comfortable. Nice to meet you. My name is George.”
“I apologize. That was kind of judgmental of me. I’m Chris. This is Ann. And you are?”
Ann turned to Chris. “Did you not just hear him say his name is George?”
“I’m sure it’s because I startled you,” George said. “Do you mind if I join you?”
“Please do,” said Chris, waving towards a third seat angled their way. The man rose slowly and walked cautiously towards them, keeping his smile all the way as Chris continued. “So, I guess you’re dead like us?”
“Long time, yes.” He sat back, now smiling specifically at Ann. He nodded and likely would have tipped his hat if he were wearing one.
“This just happened to us yesterday,” Ann started. “I think it was yesterday,” glancing at Chris questioningly. “Wow, I’m losing track of time.”
“That’s normal,” said George. “It’s because you won’t sleep anymore, so the hours pass strangely. Hard to keep track, but you’ll get used to it.”
Chris leaned forward. “You know a lot about this?”
“Oh yes. Yes. If you have any questions, I’ll be glad to help.” He punctuated each sentence with a smile and nod.
“Well, I’m not sure where to begin,” said Chris.
“Then let me ask you some questions. Why didn’t you go when the light called you?”
Ann jumped in. “For me, I know it might sound overused-”
“Nothing is overused if it’s correct,” George said, bringing a smile from Ann. “Sorry, go on.”
“I wasn’t ready to die.”
“Exactly,” Chris jumped in. “Actually, as the plane was going down, I was saying that to myself.”
“No you weren’t,” Ann said.
“How can you tell me I wasn’t?”
“No, no. I mean you weren’t praying to yourself. I heard you. You were praying out loud.”
“I was NOT praying.” Chris’s insistence pushed Ann to move back slightly. There was an awkward silence.
“Anyway,” said a more somber Chris, “I was saying it to myself while listening to you.”
George interrupted, “You weren’t ready to go. And you’ve heard many theories that say when there’s a ghost or spirit around, it’s someone who is not finished here on earth, not ready to leave this life. And that’s one reason, but not the only reason. Sometimes, they don’t have a choice.”
“How do you know that?” asked Chris as George unbuttoned his ragged, gray coat.
“Just talking to people. I get a good sense for why people say and do things. You can tell me anything, and ninety-nine times out of a hundred I can tell you if you’re being honest. Let me ask you, what do you think your unfinished business is?”
Chris rubbed at his lip. “I think I just want to see my wife once more.” He glanced at Ann, who looked at him as if about to ask a question. Instead, she reached and patted his hand, greeted again by a great shock that sent her hand away.
“Oh my,” said George.
“Yeah, what is that?” asked Chris. “If we touch, we get a nasty zap. Ever see that before?”
“Not that I can think of, but I am sure it is important. I suggest the two of you stick together as often as possible.”
“Why?” asked Ann.
“It’s happening for a reason. So when it stops, there will also be a reason, and it will likely be something very important. And it might have something to do with why you are both here and not – somewhere else.”
“Uh,” Chris began, “where exactly is somewhere else? You mean Hell?”
“Oh, no,” George laughed. “Trust me, young man. There is no such thing.”
George smiled, as did Ann, but Chris not so much.
“So how do we figure out this unfinished business?” asked Chris.
“There are no directions for that. Pretend that you bought a game at a store. You open the game, and there are pieces of different shapes and colors, cards with random pictures, numbered dice, odd and ends in the box, but no directions. And you have to just look at what you have and figure out the game. And you might figure out one game.” He turned to Ann. “And you might figure out a different game, both with the same pieces. That’s all fine, as long as each one works. However, it is not very likely that your unfinished business is the same thing, so do not expect to both see that light return at the same time. One of you very likely will move on before the other.”
“So, I might see it, but she might not, and then she won’t be able to go with me?”
“Exactly,” said George, “but that does not mean you won’t eventually see each other again somewhere else.”
Chris and Ann glanced at each other, then Ann asked, “What about our families?”
“If you are thinking of seeing them, I would not,” George said.
“Why not?” asked Chris.
“There are only two possibilities, and both are bad. One is that you see them, and they’re greatly upset. That would hurt. On the other hand, you see them, and they are not upset. That would hurt even more.”
A train steward entered the car, flicked on the lights, and surveyed the lounge car. He flowed routinely around the car, opened various cabinets, checked supplies, and marked things on a clipboard.
“Can people see us?” Ann asked.
“When my sister was little, she used to see people. Nobody believed her. I didn’t want to believe her. Now I feel horrible that I didn’t. What decides who can or can’t see us?”
“I wish I could explain, and I’m very sorry about your sister. Why do birds build nests? Why do vultures pick on dead animals and not tomatoes? I wish I had an answer for you about your sister. It’s both a curse and a blessing.”
“How is it a blessing?” asked Chris.
“Her sister could have helped you get from here to wherever you are going.”
Ann’s turn. “Where are we going?”
“Call it ‘heaven’ I supposed,” said George
The steward continued to the opposite end of the car, inspecting one last area before tucking his clipboard under his arm and rearranging a few items inside the last cabinet.
“But don’t be afraid,” George continued. “It’s okay that you are still here, but it’s not where you are supposed to be. Think of how crowded it would be if everyone who died was still here. Even if you wanted to stay here, trust me you would get bored and want to leave. Just do not wait too long. Some people stay here so long, they can’t leave. They get addicted to being here, and they do not realize all the wonderful things they are missing.”
“What’s here that would be addicting?” asked Chris.
“Well, it can be fun,” George smiled as he stood, crossed the room, and pushed open a cabinet door. The train steward was about to leave the car until he saw the cabinet door that George had just opened. The steward glanced around the room, slowly moved to the cabinet, closed the door, checked it again, and then hurried from the car.
“Fun,” said George, “but not for very long. You would get bored, then unhappy, and then you never know what you might be capable of. You should move on to the next place while you can because not everyone can move on. Not everyone who goes to high school will be ready to graduate in four years. Not everyone learns to ride a bike the first day. Some people need another day, and some people will never have enough days.”
“So,” Chris said, “mediums, psychics, those kinds of people. Are they real?”
“Very few, but the real ones don’t charge money. They just want to help.”
“Wait,” added Ann. “You opened that cabinet. We can make things move?”
“Sometimes, if it’s important enough, you’ll do it.”
“We tried,” said Ann, “but we couldn’t.”
“How were you feeling?” asked George.
“Angry about being dead.”
“That’s why. There’s no place for anger here. When you are angry, you are thinking more about what you don’t want. The wrong motivations are at the center of your thoughts. When you are calm, positive, you can think more about what you do want. It’s kind of a Buddhist thing.”
Ann nodded positively and jumped in. “So when I tried to kick a trash can, it didn’t work because I wasn’t thinking about the trash can. I was thinking about being dead.”
“Yes. Your anger had nothing to do with moving a trash can. However, if you tried to move a trash can because it fell on a child, then moving the trash can would really be what you want, and then you would probably move it.”
“What about touching things?” asked Chris. “We were sitting on top of a train car. It was holding us up. But then we walked through a locked door. If the train car held us up, then why didn’t the door stop us?”
“Because it did what you wanted it to do. You wanted the sit on the train. You wanted to go through the door. If you wanted to go through the train, you would have, but you sat down with the expectation and desire to sit down, just as you are now.”
“So if I wanted to fall through the chair and land on the floor, that’s what would happen?” said Chris.
“Yes,” said George. “But it takes great mental ability to think differently like that. You might try to fall through the chair, but your mind won’t believe you unless it sees a reason other than to just prove that you can do it.”
Ann jumped in. “I sort of stepped inside someone.”
“Oh, yes,” smiled George. “That’s fun too, but be careful. That can really be addictive, and it’s not very nice. Usually, people in life who had behavior issues, problems with self identify, actors, they like doing that. And, those same people may have had someone inside them during their lives. I have seen some of us who stayed inside someone for so very long that eventually they could not get out. They literally became that person and lived out the rest of that person’s life. I tried to help them get out, but there was nothing I could do. They became something like a split personality, and they would sometimes take over and try to convince people that they were the real being. Eventually, that host body was so distraught he committed suicide, and they were both dead. Spirits who are trapped here will sometimes do that in the hope that they will move on, but it does not work that way.”
“Do they know when you’re inside them?” Ann asked.
“Not usually, unless you want them to, but they probably would just think it was their imagination. But they could shut you out if they wanted to, provided they knew or suspected.”
“Can we make people do things?” she asked.
“Depends on their focus and attitude. If someone is doing something that takes concentration, you would not have any effect. But if they were relaxed, then it is possible. Move their arms, make them walk, things like that. But please be careful. Just because you can do something does not mean that you should. Be certain that what you are going to do is necessary and something that you would accept being done to you.”
George shifted in his seat. “But let me ask you something. Why would you want to do things like that? It is a rather invasive thing, to occupy someone’s body. What gives you the right to do such a thing?”
“What if someone is in trouble or needs help?” Ann asked.
“People always need help,” said George. “How do you know what help they need? How do you get to decide when you should or should not help someone? In an attempt to help, what if you just make things worse? Then what? You have no business with such things. Your purpose, as you have chosen, is to help yourself. To find what you have missed so you can move on. I am sorry to sound so harsh, but you are not any kind of supreme authority annointed to get involved in the lives and problems of others.”
Chris waited, letting those thoughts sink in, before speaking up. “Are you some kind of authority here?”
“I’ve been around here for a long time, and I have gathered a lot from different people. I made it my purpose to pass on as much as I can to help those like you.”
“Why haven’t you moved on to somewhere else?” Ann asked.
George smiled less. “I just want to help.”
“Can we disapparate?” Ann asked.
“Dis-what?” asked George.
“It’s a Harry Potter thing,” Ann said. “Can we disappear and appear somewhere else?”
“No. You are a being, just not a physical one. You can not fly or float, but you can go through things because your state of matter is not the same as everything else. Think of a rock and air. They can touch, but they do not really affect each other. All your life, you have been the rock. Now you are the air. That is why you have trouble moving or touching things. Your body no longer works the same way. A small amount of air will not move a rock, but a strong, focused amount of air like from a storm can move a rock. I suppose it is like when people say ‘mind over matter.’”
“We were walking away from the crash site,” Chris started, “and I – felt – something that told me to go a certain way. Then I felt something that said to get on this train. Does that make sense?”
“Oh yes,” said George. “But, it is not always good. You will get strong feelings, but you will not know the difference between good or bad feelings.” He pointed at Ann. “There could be something bad about this train for you, something good for him, but it would feel the same to both of you.”
“Well that’s scary,” said Chris as Ann pulled her legs up on her seat and against her chest.
“Yes, it is,” said George.
“Any advice?” asked Chris.
“Yes. Do not ignore those feelings, but do not run to them either. Keep your eyes open, but keep your mind open too. Something might look like a bad thing, but you will not know for sure until it is over.”
“Like life,” said Chris solemnly.
“There was a kid,” said Ann. “He was looking at us like he could see us.”
“He probably could,” said George.
“But he didn’t look any different to us than the living people. How can we tell who is who?”
“He gave himself away by looking at you. But even if he was not looking at you, you still would have felt him nearby. Like I said before, your energy is different from the living. If you were blindfolded, you still would have known he was nearby. You will feel it, but you will not always know which person it is you are sensing because we look just as alive as everyone else who is dead. You can not tell the difference just by looking at each other. You looked alive to him, but he sensed someone was nearby. It is possible he has passed on. It is also possible he is living but has the sight to see you, and you were really feeling someone else in the room.”
“The light,” said Chris, “the one we didn’t go towards. Will it come back?”
“It will come back when you have accomplished whatever it is that kept you from going the first time. However, it is possible that it will come back for only one but not both. You both saw it the first time because you died together. Things are different now, and I doubt you will find what you seek at the same time, unless of course that what you are seeking is the same thing. So that light will be visible to only one of you. Stay together but think individually. It’s a nice thing that you are friends, but do not expect that you will both go at the same time.”
“Something important caused you to fight to stay. But just because it is important does not mean that it is better to know than not to know. Have you ever learned something that you wish you had not learned?”
“My sister,” Ann said, “visited a friend who moved into an old house. There was an old woman sitting by the fireplace, and she told my sister how much she really liked the friend who just bought her house. The friend said that it was an estate sale, and the owner had passed away a few months ago. My sister kind of knew the woman was just a spirit, but she wasn’t sure and didn’t want to be rude. The old woman told my sister that there was something hidden up in the attic and to please make sure her son gets it. It was a box with a lot of money.”
“Interesting,” said George.
“So my sister told this to the friend, who freaked out, chased my sister away, and told her never to come back again. My sister told to the husband. He went up and found it, but he never brought it to the dead woman’s son. He kept it. And the dead woman still haunts their house. My sister used to walk by the house, see the old woman outside in the garden. Talk to her. But she had to be careful or the friend would chase her away. They even called the cops once. Said she was stalking them.”
Does your sister still talk to the dead woman?” asked Chris, just as George attempted to interrupt.
“My sister killed herself last year.”
“Couldn’t take it. Couldn’t deal with seeing people, started to think maybe she was crazy because nobody believed her. Not even me. Well, I believed her, but I didn’t have the guts to admit it.”
They sat in silence for several moments until George reached and patted her hand. She looked at his had with curiosity before looking up at him with questions in her eyes.
“I am sorry, my dear. Please do not blame yourself. Let me warn you about something.” He buttoned his coat as he stood. “Just as there are bad people, those who commit crimes and cause trouble in life, there are also people like that in death. There will be those who will try to hurt you and hurt those who are still living.”
“You mean like a poltergeist?” asked Ann.
“Sometimes, yes,” said George. “Sometimes worse. There are things you will see. I call them ‘things’ because they are no longer people. No light will ever return for them, but they know that you still have a chance. They will try to inhabit you and hope to move on with you once it is your turn to go. Stay away from them.”
“What do they look like?” asked Ann.
“They are as different as you or I, but they are silent. They think they can sneak up on you if they stay silent. They will be drawn to you, they can feel you, just as that boy could feel you. They will not stop following you.”
“So these things are just roaming the earth?” asked Chris, “like zombies?”
“I wouldn’t go so far as to call them zombies. Just lost souls. There used to be others like me who tried to catch them, but I don’t think that happens anymore. Too many lost souls, and too few who want to help. Those spirits will eventually disappear. They become just the ghostly images that most people see. When that happens, they are just harmless spots of light.”
“Like the old woman who stayed to give her son the money in the attic,” said Ann.
“Yes,” said George. “Now, please, please remember. There is a danger in what you have chosen. You were given an invitation that you turned down for a reason. You will not get that invitation again until you satisfy that reason. Sadly, that elderly woman will never leave this earth because her reason for staying cannot be satisfied.”
“So like the other ghosts or spirits that are still here?” asked Ann.
“Yes. Those spirits from hundreds of years ago are just echoes. Their people have faded away, never made it to your heaven. You must focus on what kept you here. Find it. Satisfy it. And then you will be able move on. Otherwise, you will be one of those echoes.”
They all stood, shook hands, and George turned for the door.
“Will we see you again?” asked Chris.
“Never know.” George smiled and stepped through the door into the next train car.
They sat quietly for a few seconds.
“Oh shit,” said Chris.
“What?” said Ann.
“I should have asked him how long we have to do whatever it is or that light won’t come back.”
“I guess until it’s not possible. Like that woman with the money.”
They returned to their seats. “So, what do you think about George?” asked Ann.
“George? I believe him.”
“What’s your point?”
“My point is that he seems to know a lot about all this, and I’m thinking he’s more than just a guy named George.”
“What more could he be?”
“Really? Nothing more comes to mind?”
“Please save me the trouble and just tell me what you’re thinking.”
“What if you were just talking to an angel?”
“What if you’re nuts?”
“What if you were just talking to God?”
“I’m going home.” Chris stood and stepped towards the same door through which George had just exited.
“So not only do you think you’re smarter than everyone else, but you think you’re smarter than George, or God, or whoever he was?”
“No. I just feel I’m supposed to go home.”
“You were on your way to Los Angeles. Wouldn’t it make sense that your answer is there?”
“I feel it’s back home. And I feel you’re supposed to come with me.”
“I’m supposed to go?” said Ann. “No. You’re afraid to go alone. And you didn’t answer my question. What if we were just talking to God?”
Chris stopped and turned to face Ann. “Let’s get this straight so we don’t have to talk about it ever again. There is no God.”
Question 1: This chapter was long and mainly dialogue. Did it feel too long?
Question 2: Are the ghost rules clear? Does it seem like anything was contradictory to anything that Chris or Ann did in previous chapters?
49 thoughts on “Connecting Flight – ch.6-updated”
The dialogue is fine. You gave instances of where and what they were doing.
As for the “ghost rules” ..it seems as though you are creating a parameter of boundaries as the story flows.
Your comment on there being “no God” is an interesting one. Tread lightly my dear, that one could have the propensity to bring forth a great deal of debate.
The “no god” is intended to cause trouble.
The dialogue was lovely. I am a God person, so I will see where you go from here.;-)
i’m setting up a god conflict, and i’m glad you want to see where it goes from here. thanks for reading.
You must be strong in your beliefs.
not really. i’m just kind of experimenting with beliefs. but if you meant that sarcastically, then you’re 100% right.
Sry to bust your bubble, but there was no sarcasm intended.
What do you mean by “experimenting” ?
no bubble busted, but thanks for clarification. by experimenting, chris is testing his faith, or his lack of faith.
And what of Ann? She’s the one whose moral repose is in question.
ann’s role is to push him, push his buttons. a story like this could easily be just one character, but the second is needed for him to bounce ideas and play devil’s advocate. also, there is a connection that coming eventually, something in common that caused them both to avoid going “into the light.”
Hi Rich – sorry, marathon comment today!!!
Still really enjoying this story – so I hope my comments don’t come across as negative today. I think there’s a lot you could cut and it wouldn’t harm the story, but the fact that you’ve still got me interested means that it obviously works as it is too. So I’m torn between suggesting you cut some of it and suggesting you leave it as it is!
Q1 – Some of it was slow, but mostly it sped along because I was keen to find out more. I’m not sure an entire chapter of exposition works, even with the steward coming in. It might be better to have George appearing more than once in the story, telling them a little the first time and establishing himself as an expert, then we move on to some action (because – to be a little harsh – all that has actually happened so far is that they have died and got on a train), then we see George again and they pump him for more information.
Q2 – I love the ghost rules! They add a confidence to the story that wasn’t there before – giving a feeling that there is going to be some consistency – I wonder if you should have introduced them before – referring back to my answer to Q1 – could George perhaps appear earlier in the story?
Some notes I wrote as I was reading:
Questions and Answers – mostly your dialogue is very natural and flows brilliantly. Something I read in an article the other day on Q and As in writing might interest you though. It suggested that you should never answer a question with a straight answer.
“Are you the homeless guy I saw when I was getting on the train?” Chris asked.
“Yes, that was me. I’m not homeless, but I can understand why you thought so. Nice to meet you. My name is George.”
‘You’re the homeless guy from the train.’
‘Not homeless, although I can understand why you thought that.’
For me, it feels more real and you can dump a lot of the extra dialogue which sometimes weighs your writing down.
Consistency issue? When Chris says Ann knows things about him she shouldn’t know, George asks if it works both ways. Chris says no. But I thought it did – doesn’t he know things about her he shouldn’t know too?
I think the way Chris is trying to work out what the old man can just tell him (the two possible outcomes of meeting their families) slows things down too much. I can see that you don’t want a huge chunk of monologue from George, but you’ve made it too drawn out. Try having Chris going straight to the guessing immediately (without Ann’s interjections), then George agreeing.
I love the steward coming in – that’s a nice touch and reminds us of their situation – and I love when George starts to play with him – perhaps there should be more of this to add a bit of humour to the chapter?
You’ve inspired me to write something longer than the 100 word Friday Fiction rut I’ve been stuck in for a while – so thank you – I wrote this morning and am feeling creative and inspired!
marathon comments are the best!! i’ll read it carefully later. just letting you know i got it. thanks!
i appreciate your suggestions on trimming/adding/adjusting the dialogue. i will have to see how that works, and i imagine it’ll work well.
about george, he will be back later with more info. as for him appearing earlier, he briefly appeared before they got on the train, but there was no interaction.
or, maybe by “earlier,” it would have been better for you if this chapter were switched with the previous chapter. that has been suggested.
thanks very much again for your generous time and attention. i have more work to do, thanks.
I’m still on board, and really enjoying the ride. As for your questions:
Dialogue – I didn’t feel that it was too long, or too much dialogue for the chapter. I found it a pretty easy read.
However, on that note, it’s obvious that you are comfortable with writing dialogue and that you’re very good at it. My worry would be that the entire story is mostly going to be dialogue and I’m wondering if perhaps you aren’t writing a script more than a novel?
Ghost rules – got it! I now understand a lot more about the previous chapters, and it poses some interesting ideas about mental illness like schizophrenia and criminal insanity (for me anyway!). Nothing stood out for me as being contradictory.
More generally, I can totally see what has gone wrong with your characters lives (they don’t have life any more!) and that something needs to be put right – but I’m not sure what that is yet. Is the ultimate goal to get to the light?
Also, I’m not sure what Ann and Chris actually want…if it was answers, then George has given them these and they need more motivation. If not, then it may need to be a bit clearer on what is driving them other than just confusion and curiosity? I get their link, but Chris’ ‘feelings’ about where they should go isn’t really doing it for me….if that makes sense?
Hope that this all helps. I think you have a fantastic story here and, as you suspect, it just needs some tidying up to fulfil it’s potential.
Take Care, Cat x
i see what you mean. what they need/want isn’t clear enough. as it is now, they weren’t ready to go, but they didn’t know why. the conflict now is supposed to be their effort to find out their unfinished business, but the way i’ve set it up so far, they don’t really need to care. they might just seem content to float around. they need something to compel them, something that says “find out your business OR ELSE.” towards the end of the story, there is an “or else,” but i think i need to move that up here, otherwise there’s nothing compelling, just two people drifting around.
yes, that makes total sense. thanks very much, and i think i will check that later chapter for the “or else” and move that up here. it can be done, that’s not a problem.
Good job! First, found what I think is one small error:
“They sat in silence for several moments until George reached and patted her hand.” – shouldn’t they have been shocked again?
Question 1: This chapter was long and mainly dialogue. Did it feel too long? No, it was very informational. It’s what I needed to continue enjoying the book.
Question 2: Are the ghost rules clear? Does it seem like anything was contradictory to anything that Chris or Ann did in previous chapters? I didn’t notice any contradictions. As for clear – we will see.
i know i edited that spot about patting ann’s hand, but i think there is a reference to a shock there.
i’m glad this chapter had what you needed to continue. i was definitely worried about that. thank you again for taking the time to check it out. you’re a great help.
There is a shock reference the first time, but starting up earlier to help you find it:
““My sister killed herself last year.”
“Couldn’t take it. Couldn’t deal with seeing people, started to think maybe she was crazy because nobody else could see them. Nobody believed her. Not even me. Well, really, I believed her, but I didn’t have the guts to admit it.”
They sat in silence for several moments until George reached and patted her hand.”
I didn’t see any for this one. Just hit me strange.
i think you’re right. well, no thinking involved. but i clearly remember wavering on removing it, and i thought for sure i left it in, and i guess i only partially left it. again, you’re invaluable.
You are correct; it is gone now. The section is in blue, so it has now been edited, and I like the edited version much more anyway.
and i’m still editing further, but i thank you for double checking. you are a great help.
I try. I will pay more attention to names in the future.
nothing to worry about. running to a store, then slight revision to ch. 7, then posting that in a couple of hours.
here it is:
Chris rubbed at his lip. “I think I just want to see my wife once more.” He glanced at Ann. She reached over and patted his hand, greeted again by a great shock that sent her hand away.
“Oh my,” said George.
“Yeah, what is that?” asked Chris. “It happens when I touch her skin. Gives us both a nasty zap. Ever see that before?”
“Not that I can think of, but I’m sure it’s important. I suggest the two of you stick together as often as possible.”
Yes, that’s the first one, but there is another reference in what I read after that.
dangit. going to find it.
it’s in the bottom 1/3 of the chapter.
you might be thinking of where george patted ann’s hand, not chris.
Not to long and for the most part the dialog works. I think though I would like George to be more enigmatic, allow them to work some things out for themselves.
The ghost rules are clear as is more of Ann’s story. It seems though you are setting both Ann and Chris into the path for a crisis of faith.
yes i am. they are on a path to be tested. thanks for the observations of a keen eye.
I actually did not find this chapter long at all. I also liked that this was more devoted to explaining through dialogue how Ann and Chris can process their new existence per say in this world, glad it wasn’t like an old school brief, which I find many writers easily fall into (:
One thing perhaps that I’m confused about is how they were able to aboard the train, like freight train jumping without slipping through, was it because they were focused on their lives and not wanting to die that they were able to do it?
yes. it was explained that they can physically do certain things when they are doing it because of what they need to do and for the right reason, not out of anger like kicking a trash can. moving something is different than sitting on a solid object. i’m glad you mentioned it because i need to go back add to that explanation. thank you very much for bringing it to my attention.
Oh, I apologize then if I missed that information. It’s great that you’re so open minded (: Thanks !
i would be a fool if i weren’t open minded. that’s the purpose of doing this – so you and others can help, as all of you have greatly.
Haha, being fools is one of our great innate specialties if I do say so myself.
i have enjoyed many a fool moment. planning one tomorrow actually.
the wise foolish man indeed
Question 1: This chapter was long and mainly dialogue. Did it feel too long?
Nope, because the dialogue was pretty fast-moving.
Question 2: Are the ghost rules clear? Does it seem like anything was contradictory to anything that Chris or Ann did in previous chapters?
Rules are clear, esp with the additions. It makes sense that they’d be told to not go into people’s bodies because I can see how easily ghosts could use that to manipulate people. Plus the “don’t go see your family” thing makes sense too.
see, here’s where being late is good. some of those changes i just made about ten minutes ago. so if you hadn’t been late, i might not have had any other thoughts at all. thanks very much.
Well, I’m now up to date with what you’ve posted so far. Looking forward to the rest too. Plus of course if you get a publisher interested, they’ll also have an editor on hand to give you further tips to what we’ve already done.
chapter 8 will be up in about a half hour. thanks for being up to date and more important that you want to be up to date.
I enjoy your writing. I think as well that when this book gets published, I should be able to get the Order to buy a copy, based on what I’ve seen so far.
buy? oh no. i will hand deliver some to your door.
Just don’t make a trip to the UK especially; combine it with a tour promoting the book! Make it worth your while. 😀
your help would be worth my while, but let’s wait until the story ends to see how you feel about the whole thing.
It did feel long, but I think that’s partly the scrolling. I wonder if perhaps the rules need to be more built in rather than explained in conversation – but then I haven’t read earlier chapters. It’s an interesting premise.
i hope you have a chance to see the earlier chapters, and thanks very much for reading this one.
I wouldn’t change anything. I haven’t read a book from cover to cover in ages but this one has me glued. Just a couple of typos and missing words: “self identify” (self-identity?). “And then you will be able move on”. “My sister told to the husband”. “She looked at his had with curiosity”.
thanks very much for being “glued.” i’m going to have to seek out those things that you found. amazing how i can go through this so many times but there are still little things wrong. thanks again!