New Year’s Resolution? Okay, I’m listening. I mean, I agree there are a number of things that need work, and – What’s that? Me? Oh no no. Someone’s got that backwards. I don’t need to resolve to do anything. However, here are that need to be resolved not BY me but FOR me. It’s probably nothing original, only a handful of things that are just plain wrong, have worn me out thinking about them, and things for which I want answers or action before this new year is up.
1. The Scarecrow Gets a Brain
How many times have you seen this movie, and thus, this clip?
Now, how many of you like math? Yeah, didn’t think so. If you’re like me – a math geek – you might notice something wrong in that video clip. What Scarecrow states is not the Pythagorean Theorem. When he says “isosceles triangle” he should have said “right triangle.” And when he says “any two sides,” he really should have said “the two shorter sides.” What he actually said was worthless and equal to nothing. It greatly bothers me that the producers of such a noteworthy film did not make enough of an effort to get it right. It also bothers me that nobody watching the production was able to realize the mistake. And, with all the capabilities of colorization and dubbing, why not find a way to fix it?
2. “This Girl is Confused”
Know this song? Good song, right?
When I’m driving with my daughter, she often plays a song that’s rather annoying. You’ve probably heard “Girl on Fire” by Alicia Keys. I’ve got nothing against Ms. Keys, but her lyrics need to be examined a little more closely, two lines to be specific. When referring to said female who has either suffered or commanded to be an incendiary victim, Ms. Keys sings She’s got her feet on the ground, which is a simile referring to one who has an above-average intelligence, approaches things firmly and with control, and is dependable and lives up to commitments. Only a few seconds later, referring to the same woman, Ms. Keys sings She’s got her head in the clouds. This phrase basically is used to refer to someone who may have trouble facing reality, a dreamer, and someone who doesn’t have a proper perspective of the immediate world around them.
WTF? How do you refer to the same person with completely opposite descriptions? I can’t tell you how greatly this annoys me not just because it is plain wrong but also because my kid, and millions of others, makes herself look like an idiot when she sings these words. Ms. Keys, you’re fabulous, you really are, but when you write a song, please do a little more than just string some catch phrases together.
3. “The First Woman ________…”
Look at the first damn sentence of this story:
History was made in Park City, Utah, on Sunday afternoon, as the U.S. Olympic team sent its first ever woman ski jumper to the Winter Olympic games.
If I’m talking to my brother, who is not very smart, and he says “woman ski jumper,” I can usually forgive that, but I can’t forgive a journalist who makes that mistake. “Woman” is a noun, not an adjective. It should be “female ski jumper.” Female is an adjective that should be used to describe the ski jumper. This is not the first time I have seen this mistake. I recently browsed through a book about Elizabeth Blackwell, who was “the first woman doctor,” according to the book. Another writer who doesn’t know how to write. If an annoying man like me is bothered by this, I can’t imagine how women feel. Probably feel.
4. The Undefined Rules of Movie Magic
I’m sure there will be a fanboy out there who will explain this, but there are a handful of things within the world of Harry Potter that don’t make sense. What bothers me the most is something about the Weasley family, specifically their clothing. They are characterized as simple people without great resources because their father just doesn’t make a great deal of money, as opposed to the Malfoy family who seem to be rather wealthy. Why can’t they just use magic and give themselves better clothes? I don’t want to hear that their pride causes them to live by the means they have. That’s stupid.
And I don’t want to hear that magic can’t be used for personal gain because Voldemort was known to cast more than just a few spells in some very selfish directions. Also, the Weasley’s used magic for things like cooking and cleaning, which is kind of like personal gain because that’s something you’d pay a servant to do. So if you’re finding a way to save money, then it’s kind of like getting money that you would have spent for what you didn’t spend it on. It. Something like that.
5. Brutally honest?
The person who is brutally honest enjoys the brutality quite as much as the honesty. Possibly more. – Richard J. Needham
I have not yet figured out why so many people seem to celebrate themselves for what they call being “brutally honest.” They have convinced themselves that there is something positive about expressing an opinion attached to an insult. There might be two women together, one trying on a new dress, and the other might say, “It makes you look fat. Just being honest.” No – you’re just being stupid.
I have also seen situations in which two people are getting to know each other, talking about themselves, and one will say, “I’m kind of brutally honest.” And what they’re trying to suggest is that they will be purely honest, even if it is not something you want to hear or something negative. They think you’re going to be impressed by that description of themselves, and if you might say, “Hey, this is a quality person whose thoughts and opinions I can certainly trust.”
However, the reality is, what they’re really saying is:
I’m an asshole. I have poor judgment. I’m also a bully, and I like to intimidate people by slamming them with negatives in order to put them down and make myself feel better at the same time. Really, I have self-esteem issues, and I overcompensate by trashing the self esteem of others.
These people also believe that if they start or finish a rude comment with the right opening phrase, they can say anything they want:
“I’m just saying…” “…I’m just asking.”
“Not for nothing…” “To be honest…”
Coming soon – 5 more things in need of “resolution.”
18 thoughts on “New Year’s Resolutions: Part 1/2”
I like number 5. That’s a classic. Whenever someone starts off with “Frankly” or “Don’t take offense” or “To be honest”, I know I’m about to be gobsmacked with a whole pack of lies and/or insults.
thanks for reading. maybe i should have put that one first. thanks again.
With all due respect, I am about to insult you, throw you to the wolves and make you feel like sheer utter crap… I getchya. Very annoying. You’re not brutally honest, you’re just brutal, or as you eloquently put it – an asshole. What the world does not need more of. Yes, finishing a sentence with a preposition. I’m a rebel.
Hey, I have both feet firmly planted on the ground (or the ocean for that matter, because I do spend 95% of my time on water) I always have my head in the clouds, even when I’m under California’s cloudless skies. Totally. For example, I do the dishes every day, or I may skip a day out of laziness and let it pile up. But nonetheless, 100% of the female population (women? woman? overaged tomboy?) on my boat is (are?) responsible for washing the dishes (also please note that 100% of the occupants on said boat, male or female, never – ever – pronounce it warsh, but always wash). But when (wtf) this woman, or female population, or as I like to refer to as “me” washes the dishes it’s always with the mindset that she (or me) is giving her hands a bubble bath. It makes the process that much more enjoyable.
The glass is half full, or halfway drank, I am still not done with that cocktail, and no you may not take my glass.
I didn’t know that a triangle was math, I thought it was geometry. If only I had a brain – I would know the difference.
p.s. my coffee may be a bit too strong for me this morning, either that or my allergies are seriously kicking my ass and my head feels like it will pop, probably from the clouds…
you never fail to entertain and excite me at the same time. i will now have a better day than i would have without you. thanks. 😉
you said excite. define it for me please.
it’s always fun rambling at brainsnorts.com
excite – (verb) to raise one’s level of awareness, attention, intention, detention, intention, determination, insinuation, antagonation, contamination, domination, combination, conflagration, flagellation, imagination, immaculation, acclimation, lamination, lampoonation, machination, positraction, retraction, redaction, satisfaction, satis-smaction, transaction, impaction, inspection, detection, but – hopefully not – infection.
no infection, hopefully, but contamination. interesting. intriguing. mind boggling. and question inducing. thank you. that was fun, as always.
Right back atcha, cowgirl!
1. Rich come on. It can’t be fixed. I’m still stuck on the fact that simply getting a degree gives you a brain. I always knew there was a serious flaw here even if I didn’t catch the math errors. And I have the degree.
2. One word, Bi-polar. No other way to explain the dichotomy.
4. On this one you’re killing me. There is something to be said for personal gain, the Wicca threefold rule, kind of like Karma for magical beings. And Voldemort doesn’t give a rat A** because he is dark. And dark magicians don’t particularly care for consequences. I concede the chores as personal gain part. I’d like a house elf myself. In the end I will simply say like most movie decisions- comic effect with the hideous suit
5. Actually….. I am honest. I tell the truth. The truth as I see it- which leads to a deeper philosophical debate. I can’t say I’ve ever told a friend that dress makes you fat but I will say, “No, not for you”. As there is a thing called tact. I have come to learn that many people can’t handle the truth even if delivered with candor and grace. For them the truth is always brutal. And frankly I’m tired of the people that refuse to let you know your fly is down or you have something stuck in your teeth. I wish they’d speak up. And when I use to be honest it is always directed at myself and usually a sign of something I’m thinking of keeping to myself.
see, you captured the difference – tact. the “brutally honest” people do not have tact. but they do look forward to the next “power trip.”
bi-polar. i wish i had thought of that.
thanks very much and happy monday!
All good points. I knew nothing of scarecrow’s theorem (I am not even sure how to pronounce that).
However the song lyrics, in my opinion, aptly describe a young woman who is level headed but has dreams. I believe it is called poetic license and feel certain your daughter will not suffer any confusion but instead will recognize a beautiful, intelligent, hard working woman like herself. I think she will find comfort in knowing that even level headed young women sometimes have their head in the clouds.
I’ll give you the rest of them.
The confusion is all mine, not hers, I am sure. I will gladly take four out of five and call it a good day. Thanks very much and have a great day.
Love the last one. I always tell my kids if you have to start a sentence with, “Not to be rude, but…” they should stop right there.
“not to be rude…” yup, that’s another one. it’s just a way of saying “not to be rude – but i’m about to be rude.”
For me, brutally honest also goes with “I just say what I think/feel”, like it’s a justification and therefore makes the whole situation OK. I usually hear it as code for “I just love the sound of my own voice”.
Also, as a childhood fan of Oz, while you may pick up on the theorem (or lack of) the scene I struggle with the most is the pseudo-coronation of the Lion. Now as a performer/playwright, when I watched that back, it made zero sense till I did some research. I realised that because Bert Lahr played him, odds are he actually demanded more air time. Nice to see the industry hasn’t really changed when it comes to managing bigger stars of a production 🙂
i hope one day i have the talent to write a play, so i bow to you for that. as for those who want to hear their own voice, well, sometimes that is me, but never is it me if it means a bad day for someone else. i hope.
thanks for stopping by and leaving your thoughts. very much appreciated.
Bow accepted 🙂 There’s always time to learn!
Oh, that’s what I meant. Tact is very useful in that department.
my kid – 15 – choreographs her school plays. so she’s already ahead of me.