flash fiction friday – from madison woods

every friday, http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/ posts a picture prompt to challenge writers to create a 100-word “story.”  i’m going to try to keep up with this, as should you.  after you post your story, you go to her page and paste a link to your post in the comment box for that week’s picture.  give it a shot.  what could go wrong?  oh, yeah.  that.      sorry.

 

Jimmy inched forward behind David, still wondering what was in the bag.  He didn’t exhale until David held up an arm to stop.  They stayed along the edge of the wall, as if it could somehow protect them.  David turned with an index finger to his lips, then moved a step away from the wall.  His arm came back, forward, back, then far forward, launching the small bag.  It landed in the shade, not completely in the tunnel.  There were a few grunts.  A snout approached the bag sniffing, and a claw pulled it into the darkness.

“Toldja,” whispered David.

93 thoughts on “flash fiction friday – from madison woods

  1. Wow, you participated… finally. I counted and it’s exactly 100 words. I think the more challenging part in writing a flash fiction is the editing rather than the actual writing part.

    I wonder what’s inside the bag. I’m thinking that it might be a gnome or a brownie. I even googled it just to find out what kind of creature is it. The more puzzling part here is the claw. Who pulled the bag in the tunnel? A nice save for David.

    • yes, i finally did because i “followed” the person doing it and was able to easily find it. i think if you’re going to do those kinds of writing things, you should work to make it exactly 100 words. that was actually part of the fun, like you said, in the editing. thanks for first showing it to me.

      • I agree, but then I’m an editor. 🙂 I always strive for exactly 100 words. It’s a real challenge sometimes, but definitely part of the fun.
        Oh yeah, and I really like your piece. Good build-up to the ending.

  2. Ooo…

    Seriously, I had the urge to rub my palms together, like one who giddily anticipates the next scene or chapter. Unfortunately, for me, there is no next scene, but I thought this was a perfectly played prompt response.

  3. I could see that sort of scene actually happening. Cool little story, Rich – thanks for joining us in our Friday madness 🙂

    • i’ll thank allen in the phillipines as it was on his blog that i first became aware of what you’re doing. and then i’ll thank you too of course.

  4. So much suspense! I love how you left the reader wondering what the creature was, great story. Was it your first story for Madison’s friday fictioneer’s?

    • yes, first one. i love picture prompts. i wrote one last week for a different blog site, and it gave me enough that i believe i can make a full novel out of it. something for kids, in the area of things like “because of winn dixie.”

      • Cool. Same, picture prompts I find are also one of the easier prompt’s to write from. That’s cool, it’s interesting where we get our inspiration from, I’m writing a novel too and I got the idea in a social studies lesson about climate change.

      • well, a picture prompt comes in many forms. i was driving today and noticed an old, abandoned house that is only about two miles from home, but i had never noticed it before. made me think of a story about a guy who sees such a house and is then compelled to go inside. that was the beginning of a good idea that i discussed with my kid who was with me. it was a real house, but it worked like a picture prompt.

      • Good point, I suppose a picture prompt should be called a visual prompt instead, but that means anything you see and that means written words count too.

      • our state tests were using picture prompts for many years in grades 4 through about 7. problem was too many sucky teachers kept telling kids that if you can’t think of a story, just describe the picture. more and more kids were doing that, not writing a story. scores were getting bad for the writing, and they realized it wasn’t that kids couldn’t write, it was that they weren’t told how to approach the assignment. they’ve since cancelled the picture prompt.

      • My friend and I (years ago) snuck into a house that was sort of abandoned. It was really late, we ran around the place like kids. LOL 🙂 WOW I haven’t thought about that in yeeeears!

  5. Trying to understand this…

    The guys were creeping through the tunnel, armed with a sack, looking for a pig (or hog). They heard one at the end, and chucked a big to capture it. Then…

    …the pig approached sniffing, and an automated claw from inside dragged it in. The other boy didn’t think it’d work, so his pal says, “Toldja.”

    Well, I like the imagery of the claw, at least. It’s kinda funny (if darkly). Not a bad piece, if you don’t mind reading it a few times.

    http://littlewonder2.wordpress.com/2012/04/12/friday-fictioneers-halfway-bridge/

    • two kids approaching a tunnel with a piece of food in a bag. they heard about a creature hiding in the tunnel and tossed the food to see if the creature would come out. i didn’t describe it well, it is pig-like, and it took the food. one kid believed, one did not, and that’s why the believing kid said “toldja.”

  6. Nice modern take on the troll under the bridge. 😉 My only confusion was in the beginning, at first I thought they were outside creeping toward the tunnel, but then when you said they stayed along the edge of the wall, I thought maybe they were inside the tunnel, creeping out, til I realized otherwise.

    I know it’s hard to keep short with limits, but without them, perhaps an additional word or two, “inched toward the dark tunnel”. I had no confusion about the creature – snout and claw were just enough to create a vivid imaginary creature in my head. Well done, and would work as a longer piece.

  7. Hi Rich: Welcome to Friday Fictioneers. I see your story differently from the others. Here’s my take. I think the pig-like creature is really a very hungry wino/bum who grabbed the bag. His huge, dirty hand appeared like a claw to the kids. What say ye? Nice work. ps…sorry you gave up teaching…the kids need you. Here’s mine:
    http://www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com

    • Thanks Miss. It was the moving along the wall part that made it seem like they were inside the tunnel. I imagined an outside wall leading to the opening.

  8. Pingback: Writing 2.8 – Feedback, Pro’s & Con’s | brainsnorts inc.

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