First, my apologies for barely reading anyone’s fine work last week. I had some serious (on a legal matter) writing to do that ate up a ton of time. Second, this was one of the toughest yet to come up with something, but I like what I ended up with. I hope you do too.
Every Wednesday Rumbleseat Wisoff-Fields posts a picture prompt challenging writers to create a 100-word story, poem, or whatever works for you. After posting your work on your blog, go back to her site and add your link on her Friday Fictioneers post. Place. Page.
I’m going to try to keep up with this, as should you. Give it a shot. I prefer to stick to 100 words, but she doesn’t mind either way. Not everyone has the time to sit and write, revise, edit, revise, edit, etc. until getting it down to 100 and telling everything you want to tell.
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The Car
David ditches work early, swirls the last gulp of lemonade, eyes the old car Mom built. Smiles, remembers “driving” to California until Mom called “Dinnertime!” Mexico for tacos, Atlanta for baseball, until Mom called “Bedtime!” Lunchbox packed, Disney-bound, until Mom said – differently – “Dad’s home.”
Dad’s home. Smiles dried, hands twitched, eyes unsure. Dad’s home. Voices stuttered, bruises ached. Mom, David, quietly awaited barks and permission. Run to the fridge when Dad swirled the last gulp of Budweiser. Dad’s home.
Schoolbus pulls away. David Jr. runs up the driveway, smiling, singing, “Dad’s home!”
“C’mon, Son. Let’s go for a drive.”
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100 words
I started with a story about missing kids and an FBI investigation, searching the car for clues, but it didn’t pan out. Then I switched to the car being a time-travel device for two kids, but I couldn’t figure out to end it. Although I abandoned that one, I kept its essence. Then it became a “time travel” device for a sad kid with difficult parents, but it became too sad to write it. So I kept that but twisted it to be more upbeat instead of depressing. I think that was a good idea.
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brainsnorts inc. 
Interesting writing.
thanks for reading.
Having read the history of this piece, I definitely think you picked the best version to go with. This reads like a stream of conciousness and works well in that way. I like the echoes in down the generations, and the positive changes David has made in his version of family
thanks. i remember certain things my parents did that i said, “i’m going to do that when i’m a parent,” but something, “NO way i’m doing that when i’m a parent.” i was lucky to have that ability to pick and choose. some people have it chosen for them.
Sweet story
thanks very much.
Like Mom’s utilization of the old car as an escape vehicle for her children and her son’s ability to forget the bad times and remember the magic which he happily shares with his son. Good story, Rich.
thanks. that’s exactly what i was going for. how mom found ways to save him from dad and not let it continue down the line. thanks for reading.
As good as you are with puns, you’re even better with flash fiction!
thanks very much. i appreciate that, and thanks for reading.
Rich, how I read it is David Jr. arrives as a youngster and at first excited about Dad, gets into a car, which dad drives drunk and totals. Mom has to build a new one, allowing David to escape into his rich fantasy life again. Maybe I’m off on the timing a bit. I guess I want to see the car as salvation through the difficult times too.
I really appreciated how you assigned the female character as the car builder. Bravo.
Denmother
the car was the salvation during difficult times when david was little and his father was abusive to him and his mother. david still has the car for david jr., but david – now grown up – treats this kid well, and they have fun in the car together instead of it having to be an escape.
I see it now. I thought David Jr. was the same person as older David and Jr. was there to make the distinction between him as a man and him as a child.
i can understand the confusion. i’ll have to think about editing. thanks very much.
That was very good. I enjoyed the layers, especially the ending…
thanks very much, and thanks for reading.
Love David’s descriptions of driving to all his adventures. Great contrast between the first and second paragraphs – you really captured the different moods – but thanks for the happy ending.
i’m glad you could see all that. good to know what i did was working. thanks.
I like your words for this one, Rich. I looked at the photo and went hmmmm. Actually I’m still going …hmmmm. Perhaps something will come to mind soon. I did enjoy your take however.
i was stuck for sure, more stuckerer than ever. thanks for reading.
Absolutely Rich, I just found out you and I have a rather obscure connection!
glasses?
ha, ha! No check out http://roxieh.wordpress.com/2012/12/19/top-twos-day-the-winning-announcement/. I didn’t make the connection at the time as I wasn’t following you then. Who knew!
whatever it takes to connect to someone, someone positive, then i’m all for it. i’m glad you picked up on that. and i’m glad you felt the push to mention it. that’s a very good thing.
Feeling positive … good. Doing something about it … better. Making a difference in the process … well just simply excellent. My m.o. in life Rich, which I think you may share as well.
i’m working on it, yes. covering the bases as best i can. i share that but maybe not to the extent that you have. so you’re ahead of me, so i need to run a little faster to catch you.
Sharing is good. Don’t be so modest. You do “you” very well Rich.
i haven’t yet earned the right to be anything but modest. as for you do “you,” i can interpret that four different ways, but i’ll take it as the two i like best. thanks very much.
It was meant as a compliment you know, you’re welcome!
oh, i know it was meant as a compliment. but someone being modest is going to take a compliment modestly. and the thing we had in common, roxie, made a great effort to break me of that and told me to stop being so modest, but i haven’t stopped. but i appreciate your compliment. modestly. aren’t i annoying?
I’m smiling. Isn’t word power great!
it is – but it would be more fun if i knew why you’re smiling.
because inside each of us is this wonderful need to communicate in whatever application/method applicable or perhaps that which we are capable of doing. For you and I and (from my perspective) many other online bloggers we do it very well with words. That’s all! This thought made me smile Rich!
me too. thanks for smiling for both of us.
Good one, Rich. I like the reference to “Dad’s home,” and “Let’s go for a drive.” Is Dad ditching responsibilities, relationship to wife? Anyway, that car has had its share of traveling.
we should all have such a car. thanks for reading.
I liked this a lot, Rich. Two totally different Dads and how they treat their family. Happy thoughts for David till Dad comes home. The second paragraph is so sad and so real. David Jr. is a lucky boy.
I really enjoyed you sharing your thought process on writing your story.
thanks very much. i wasn’t sure if i made it clear who was who exactly, but you got it, and that’s enough for me. thanks for reading.
Upbeat is always good. I didn’t recognize you in the new glamour shot gravatar, but I like it. Very tight writing as always.
thanks. i was going for something that looked like a watercolor/sketch kind of thing. maybe i should try again.
Nice, Rich!! I liked the way Mom played with David and used the car for so many good times, which would have doubly important to try to stand in the face of Dad being home. I also like the way the ending could either be the imagining of David or the new life of he and his son. Excellent.
janet
thanks miss. i didn’t think about if it was him imagining it or if it were real. i was thinking real. but yeah, it could go either way. thanks for reading.
I took it as real, too, but the added possibility is good, too.
janet
I really enjoyed this.
i really enjoyed that you enjoyed it. thanks for reading.
As a child I loved a fantasy that took me away from a bad reality. You brought back those good memories. Nice work here.
I’m very glad. Thanks for reading.
I like all the decisions!
Scott
http://kindredspirit23.wordpress.com/2013/02/27/friday-fictioneers-312013-xxxx-genre-humorous/
Somehow, I knew you would. Thanks for reading.
You are very welcome.
I loved your narrative style 🙂
thanks very much, and thanks for reading.
Beautifully crafted, as usual. I like that you ended it on a positive note; so many times the cycle of alcoholism and violence gets repeated generation after generation.
luckily i haven’t seen it firsthand, but i have seen its affects on others. thanks for reading.
Hi Rich
You packed a lot in to your little story. Nice to see that David didn’t follow in his father’s footsteps. I really enjoyed the imaginary drives around the world too. Great stuff 🙂
thanks very much, and thanks for reading.
Dear Shift,
Entertaining and thought provoking. I love it that David is able to rise above his past and create a happy present for his son. Well played, Sir.
shalom,
Rumbleseat
thanks very much, and thanks for reading.
Well … definitely not my personal experience. Well done.
the more who can say that, the better. thanks for reading.
Hey … Did you see CP today (CC’s sub)?
yes, she’s been there occasionally over the past couple of weeks. i think for BB last week. no complaints.
I had thought of time travel too while thinking of my story.
of course what you ended up writing is a lot better than the ideas that led to it.
what i ended up with couldn’t have been possible without those ideas that led to it, so that’s a good thing. thanks very much and thanks for reading.
That’s true. The outcome is as important as the process.
yup. i can’t get to florida without slugging my way through georgia. no offense to georgia.
Such a sweet story. I’m so glad David didn’t grow up to be like his father.
me too. thanks for reading.
I like the touch about Mom building the car. The choppy read has a nice “catchy” feel, pulls the reader in.
Thanks very much. Mom kept things together for the son and make sure that he would be better. Thanks for reading.
I like this story a lot. It’s sad but a positive ending, really good.
thanks very much, and thanks for reading.
Honestly if you hadn’t explained it I wouldn’t have “got it”.
and if you didn’t “got it” then that only means i didn’t write it well enough. but thanks for reading.
I liked it. It was different, mom and kid may not have been able to escape except through the ‘car’, but it made for some positive memories that over shadowed the bad beer guzzling dad. Good for them! I liked how you put the first “dad’s home” as something bad and the second as a joyful thing.
Thanks miss. At first the grown son at the beginning had a beer too, but I changed it.
it’s wonderful. so great that he grew up to be different from his dad. touching tale 🙂
thanks very much, and thanks for reading.
Good story!
thanks, and thanks for reading.
I like it! I think you chose the best option. 🙂
thanks, and so did you. thanks for reading.
A heartwarming moment etched into cyber. Thank you, it was an enjoyable read.
thank you for those enjoyable thoughts. and thanks for reading.
“Voices stuttered, bruises ached…” so glad the cycle of abuse was broken. i really like how you ended this. ♥
thanks very much, and thanks for reading.
Very nice piece. The Car truly is “the Enterprise,” here, transporting people out of the real world into a better one. And eventually changing the world for some others. Great use of the prompt!
very kind of you, and thanks for reading.
I like what you did with this, making it about the grown-up remembering his childhood and then taking his kid for a ride, being determined to be a better father than his old man was.
And thank you for sharing your process as well. It’s helpful to know that you had several ideas for a story from the one image.
thanks very much. i’m happy to share those details, and thanks for reading.
Every David should be so lucky to have a mom who can transport him creatively through the harsh realities of alcoholism and abuse, delivering him safely into an adulthood full of love. Nicely crafted story.
Thanks very much. That’s some kind words. And thanks for reading.
My heart is breaking for David. At least he has that escape, if only for a while. Nice story. 🙂
he does. thanks, and thanks for reading.
Really enjoyed this. Glad to see David became a good father. I would have liked to see the really depressing version of the story!
i tried to give it a mix. some of the sad but a little hopeful too. thanks, and thanks for reading.
good news is those archived stories will have a use by and by. Thanks for coming over to Moondustwriter’s Blog
thanks for having a good place to go to.
Don’t edit! This is great. I had to read it twice to get it, but that’s because there’s not space for a back story. I really like that the car is always the car, but it represents different things to the two generations. Reminds me just a bit of The Yellow Rolls Royce. Remember that film? Sorry, movie! Both my parents were ‘Davids’. I learnt not to be home as much as possible! I chose not to be that way and when I grow up, I won’t be! 🙂
yellow rolls royce. was it about a new car that changed hands, and each different owner had their own story?
I think the best flash fiction tells a whole novel in only a few words, and yours definitely does. Well done, and the ending made me glad.
and your comment made me even gladerer. thanks very much.
Love the time-machine car, brought back many memories of our old sofa at home which during childhood was in turn a bus, car, ambulance … great times. Glad that David Jnr made it and became a “good” dad
(Not sure where this comment has been wandering, I thought I posted it last week)
Dee
i’m finding unseen comments that go back to May! maybe that’s where it went. thanks for reading.
🙂
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