This was originally posted about a year and a half ago, but I’ve had a lot more followers since then (had zero then), so I doubt any of you wonderful people have read this. It was written quickly, an instant flash of inspiration. All pictures were taken by me, except two, I think. I took the important ones. Also, if you remember the nursery rhyme called “The House that Jack Built,” this is intended to be read along with the rhythm of that nursery rhyme. Well, loosely to that rhythm. Just good clean fun.
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This is the car.
This is the car that Rich drives.
.
This is the bird crap.
This is the bird crap
On the car
That Rich drives.
.
These are the birds.
These are the birds
that took a crap
on the car that Rich drives.
.
This is the sandwich.
This is the sandwich that Rich likes.
This is the sandwich
that Rich likes to eat
But he didn’t finish
So he tossed the bread
Up to the birds
That took a crap
On the car that Rich drives.
.
This is the store.
This is the store
Where Rich shops.
This is the store
Where Rich likes to shop
And bought the sandwich
That he didn’t finish
So he tossed the bread
Up to the bird
That took a crap
On the car that Rich drives.
.
This is the stomach.
This is the stomach
That Rich has.
This is the stomach
That said it was hungry
So Rich went to the store
Where Rich likes to shop
And bought the sandwich
That he didn’t finish
So he tossed the bread
Up to the bird
That took a crap
On the car that Rich drives.
.
This is the scale.
This is the scale
Where Rich stands
This is the scale
Where Rich used to stand
before he decided to stop
Eating the sandwich
And toss the bread
Up to the bird
That took a crap
On the car that Rich drives.
.
These are the bottles.
These are the bottles
that Rich drank.
These are the bottles
That Rich had too much
That increased the numbers
When he stood on the scale
That made him stop
Eating the sandwich
And toss the bread
Up to the bird
That took a crap
On the car that Rich drives.
.
These were the birds.
These were the birds
On Rich’s roof.
These are the birds
On Rich’s roof
But he no longer feeds them
With bread from the sandwich
He bought at the store
Where Rich likes to shop
but he didn’t finish eating
and tossed the bread
up to the birds
Who used to crap
On the car that rich drives.
.
This is the gun…
brainsnorts inc. 
jajajaja this is great and so funny!!
thanks!!
Man, your humor is darker than a night bombing of Tehran. Love the pellet gun and the birds
thanks – i think!
you need a show…it would bring people to tears
i think i’ve brought people to tears, but for the wrong reason. i have had kids in school tell me i should be a game show host.
you would be a good game show host
i’d like to think so. my favorite was richard dawson. sharp, quick wit, and occasionally inappropriate.
he was almost always inappropriate 🙂
funniest moment i ever saw for him was when he hosted family feud. the category was famous dancers. someone offered frank sinatra as an answer. dawson said, “ah yes. ol’ blue feet.” (to explain for our younger friends, like heidi, frank sinatra’s nickname was “ol’ blue eyes” not feet.”
that was priceless… 🙂 I watched that show everyday with my Grandmother
i watched with my mother. that and the mike douglass show might have been on back to back.
I was more into Joker’s Wild and 20,000 Pyramid then
Ha ha, I love this. And that Smirnoff Ice looks tasty.
it is, but it leaves a weird sugary film on your teeth. you’ll find out when you’re old enough to drink. 😉
Well I am old enough to drink and concur. Do not drink Smirnoff Ice if you plan on allowing anyone to touch your teeth. They will feel the weird film. ; )
I am so old enough to drink!
teasing ya. 😉
Waves hand in front of face, “You tease.”
Ain’t the only one …
😉
OMG this is super fun and brilliant..ha ha ha..too good…you are genius..Rich although i love all your work but this one here is just the best and the funniest piece i have read in a long long time..
you are way too nice to me!
And, to think, I was just humming right along … until I got to the gut shot.
LOL. Do you really drink all of that horrible beer? San Diego is one of the microbrew capitals of the world. Maybe you need to visit and have a few. Brewfest 2012 is coming in August and stumbling distance from my place.
would love to. my brother went to hawaii for a month, then san diego for a week and said he would easily go back to san diego before hawaii. i can do stumbling. often have.
Fun!
thanks.
Wawa is my most favorite place in the world. This was great I did start singing I’m my head halfway through it was a lot of fun.
really? you must be on the east coast. i’m there almost every day.
I am and that’s the only place
get my gas! Love that place!
Awesome … and a good chuckle for my morning.
*shakes head* I gotta agree with TWTG, man…you need some new bad habits. Like real beer. *laughs*
Dutch
i don’t really drink all those. was a picture i scrapped off the ‘net.
Heh…then ya deserve all the comments for not saying that in the first place! Damn, now I want Guiness…and it’s not even noon yet!
Dutch
Love Guinness
LOL Loved it!
thanks miss.
You’re most welcome.
Haha.. enough said with the gun, right?
Yup!
That sandwich looked really good. I don’t know if I was disappointed or impressed to see you bought it from a gas station 😉
Funny how you never know how 1 thing will lead to another.
oh it’s not just a gas station. they have everything. really good sandwiches and coffee.
You live in NJ, right? I guess that type of shop is not too much of a surprise there. A lot of unexpected hidden (or not so hidden) gems in some of those areas.
I have been thinking about moving to florida in a couple of years. The only thing I don’t like about new jersey would be the incredibly high taxes.
hahaha!
thanks!
If I had a set of scales that called me “sunbeam” while I’m desperately trying not to faint, I’d chuck it out of the top floor window, hoping to hit one of the birds.
Thanks for a very funny post…although animal lovers might fear for the birdies’ welfare…
can’t live by the beach without seagulls. take the good with the bad.
Don’t I know it! I grew up the seaside (Baltic Sea).
oh that’s being seaside all right.
Sorry, I detest this keyboard, I seem to have to bash the keys extra hard. “I grew up at the seaside (Baltic Sea)” is what I meant to type. I do all my writing on a different keyboard/laptop…
When I lived by the sea in Kent, UK, the largest gulls were as big as my cat; in fact, whenever I left my kitchen door open, the wretched gulls would sneak in and steal my cat’s food. She was too scared to go after them.
Oh my.
Ha! This is wonderful!
thanks. guess it was a good idea to repost it.
hmmm….
all great… and wonderful idea to present the story….
but the gun was intended for who? 🙂
shooting the seagulls.
🙂
you can think of many things seeing that gun… 🙂
uh oh. am i on a govt. watch list now?
noooo… 😛 😆 😆 😆
Oh my gosh! I think this is the funniest thing I’ve read this week!!!! Cute tummy too. ; )
i’m sure it isn’t as tasty as yours.
ROFL! 🙂
hee hee!
That was cute 🙂
thanks for making me smile
thanks for giving me the chance.
I’d double-like it if I could! Glad you reposted it!
Super double thanks.
There’s something really messed up about being the 70th comment, but… if it’s any consolation, wheat is bad for most birds.