The Car that Rich Drives

This was originally posted about a year and a half ago, but I’ve had a lot more followers since then (had zero then), so I doubt any of you wonderful people have read this.  It was written quickly, an instant flash of inspiration.  All pictures were taken by me, except two, I think.  I took the important ones.  Also, if you remember the nursery rhyme called “The House that Jack Built,” this is intended to be read along with the rhythm of that nursery rhyme.  Well, loosely to that rhythm.  Just good clean fun.

_________________________________

This is the car.

This is the car that Rich drives.

.

This is the bird crap.

This is the bird crap

On the car

That Rich drives.

.

These are the birds.

These are the birds

that took a crap

on the car that Rich drives.

.

This is the sandwich.


This is the sandwich that Rich likes.

This is the sandwich

that Rich likes to eat

But he didn’t finish

So he tossed the bread

Up to the birds

That took a crap

On the car that Rich drives.

.

This is the store.

This is the store

Where Rich shops.

This is the store

Where Rich likes to shop

And bought the sandwich

That he didn’t finish

So he tossed the bread

Up to the bird

That took a crap

On the car that Rich drives.

.

This is the stomach.

This is the stomach

That Rich has.

This is the stomach

That said it was hungry

So Rich went to the store

Where Rich likes to shop

And bought the sandwich

That he didn’t finish

So he tossed the bread

Up to the bird

That took a crap

On the car that Rich drives.

.

This is the scale.

This is the scale

Where Rich stands

This is the scale

Where Rich used to stand

before he decided to stop

Eating the sandwich

And toss the bread

Up to the bird

That took a crap

On the car that Rich drives.

.

These are the bottles.

These are the bottles

that Rich drank.

These are the bottles

That Rich had too much

That increased the numbers

When he stood on the scale

That made him stop

Eating the sandwich

And toss the bread

Up to the bird

That took a crap

On the car that Rich drives.

.

These were the birds.

These were the birds

On Rich’s roof.

These are the birds

On Rich’s roof

But he no longer feeds them

With bread from the sandwich

He bought at the store

Where Rich likes to shop

but he didn’t finish eating

and tossed the bread

up to the birds

Who used to crap

On the car that rich drives.

.

This is the gun…

70 thoughts on “The Car that Rich Drives

  1. OMG this is super fun and brilliant..ha ha ha..too good…you are genius..Rich although i love all your work but this one here is just the best and the funniest piece i have read in a long long time..

  2. LOL. Do you really drink all of that horrible beer? San Diego is one of the microbrew capitals of the world. Maybe you need to visit and have a few. Brewfest 2012 is coming in August and stumbling distance from my place.

    • would love to. my brother went to hawaii for a month, then san diego for a week and said he would easily go back to san diego before hawaii. i can do stumbling. often have.

  3. That sandwich looked really good. I don’t know if I was disappointed or impressed to see you bought it from a gas station 😉

    Funny how you never know how 1 thing will lead to another.

      • You live in NJ, right? I guess that type of shop is not too much of a surprise there. A lot of unexpected hidden (or not so hidden) gems in some of those areas.

      • I have been thinking about moving to florida in a couple of years. The only thing I don’t like about new jersey would be the incredibly high taxes.

  4. If I had a set of scales that called me “sunbeam” while I’m desperately trying not to faint, I’d chuck it out of the top floor window, hoping to hit one of the birds.

    Thanks for a very funny post…although animal lovers might fear for the birdies’ welfare…

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