Every Wednesday Rachmaninoff Wisoff-Fields posts a picture prompt to challenge writers to create a 100-word story or poem or anything that works for you. After you post your work on your blog, go back to her site and add a link to your post on her Friday Fictioneers post. Place. Page.
I’m going to try to keep up with this, as should you. Give it a shot. I prefer to stick to 100 words, but she doesn’t mind either way. Not everyone has the time to sit and write, revise, edit, revise, edit, etc. until getting it down to 100 and telling everything you want to tell.
Moments before the 8pm show, tremors shook Karnagee Hall.
Tiny, “IT’S GONE!”
Dust rained in the basement as he stomped his feet.
The stagehand, “We’re looking, Tiny!”
The agent, “Get him a chair!”
The seamstress, “Get him a couch.”
First clarinet, “Please change my seat.”
The conductor, “Keep him quiet!”
The stagehand, “I’ll get tissues.”
The custodian, “I’ll get a mop.”
The seamstress, “Maybe a towel.”
The agent, “Call the producer!”
Tiny stomped harder.
The producer, “Call the carpenter!”
The mover trudged carefully, lugging an oaken cello.
The mover, “Found it!”
Tiny smiled, “My violin!”
This would have been a good one for me to have kept track of the revising because I had originally written ...said the agent and …said the stagehand after each line of dialogue. Then I realized I could get away with removing “said” from each line because we can tell that it’s being said. It’s dialogue. Then I shifted the attribution to be beginning, like a script. Like this:
Producer: Call the carpenter!
The problem there was that it did not give me the same visual impact without quotation marks, but I didn’t like having the quotes with the name and colon because it just isn’t the right format. By moving the quote after the title, it gave the dialogue more impact, which is what really drives this. For me, it felt like a nursery rhyme, which is kind of what I wanted.
108 thoughts on “#fridayfictioneers via rochelle – 1/11”
Karnagee Hall … What a hambone! The clues are all there… clever stuff (in 100 words exactly, I’m sure).
thanks sir. hey, you’re up late. depending on your timezone. either way, thanks for reading.
You’re always so clever, Rich. I enjoyed it!
Very, very funny!! Really enjoyed it very much. The dialogue/characters….really hilarity as an art form.
believe it or not, just found this today. thanks for reading. sorry i didn’t see it sooner.
really enjoyed reading this 🙂
thanks for reading and enjoying
Hehe.. That’s a fun story.. Couldn’t have imagined anything funny on this photo prompt.. 🙂
oh well. things happen. sometimes well. thanks for reading.
That was rich.
thanks very much.
I have a clear picture of Tiny. Hey, hey, hey. Clever.
thanks very much
Subtitled: the night Yo Yo Ma tried to hide Izthak Perlman
Great rhythm – especially with that giant Whaaa right in the middle. And I love the seamstress, always going larger than the previous speaker. Very clever.
thanks, and i’m glad you picked up on the seamstress because she had a better view of the reality of the situation, unlike the agent.
Hadn’t noticed that.
In my story, I considered naming my character Tiny Tim, but decided not to. And I still did not anticipate your ending.
Very,very nicely done, Rich.
thanks very much, sir.
Funny, and good pacing.
thanks. i was going for that kind of effect. i’m glad it worked.
Very balanced piece, almost rhythmic. Nice work.
The fast-paced dialogue really carries the reader along. Reading it, the mental image I got of Tiny was similar to the baby in Spirited Away
have not seen that, but i need to. i had an image of “wreck-it ralph.”
Yeah, I can really see that too. 🙂
Hehe…love whaaaaa…very well done as always
thanks very much, as always.
Good one, developed with your usual conversational skill, with the bonus of humor. Was Gov. Christie the model for this? Ron
no, but it could have worked. thanks for reading.
Little big man….Thanks for the laugh. Well done as always.
thanks very much for reading.
“Tiny” indeed! Do they call him that because he acts like a baby? It sure isn’t because he’s small.
Very funny, Rich. 🙂
thanks very much. it’s kind of a backwards nickname.
Ha Ha Ha! I am still chuckling. 🙂 That was hilarious. Loved it. So lighthearted and fun. Keep them coming Rich. I am taking a break from FF for a few weeks while, healing from cataract and lens implant surgeries. But, still can’t take a total break from my writing so am trying to work on other posts and stories that I have not had enough time for.
take your time, miss. health is more important than anything, of course. thanks for reading and enjoying, and we look forward to your return.
Thank you Rich. Your comments and feedback are always appreciated. Yes, my eyes are healing and I can see a lot better. 🙂
Great stuff and very funny. What a “tiny” diva!
tiny diva. yes, that’s him. and his agent didn’t make it any better. thanks for reading.
Is this Tiny from my” ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas”? I didn’t even know he played the cello/violin. 🙂 Egg-salad* story, as we like to put it.
thanks very much for reading. i like the sound of both excellent and egg salad. especially on toast. uneventful drive?
Uneventful in a good way. I started listening to an old Robert Ludlum book on CD and the scenery was great and gave me some pictures for this morning’s post. Looking forward to the history tour. 🙂
Which is better? A bassoon or a violin? Bassoon — it burns faster!
With references to Tiny and a seamstress, did strains of a certain Elton John song flash through anyone else’s mind?!
Not mine, but you’re right.
whaaaaaaaa! Really fast paced and fun. I enjoyed it. Something upbeat and positive. (see what a positive outlook will do?)
Eh. It happens. Thanks a bunch.
oh geesh, cheer up! Can’t be all that bad? If it is, then it’s only temporary. (yeah I’m the eternal optimist)
i’m cheery sometimes. and sometimes not, like most people, i think. so happy friday and thanks.
oppps. Sorry for overstepping a bit I think. Have a great day.
not possible for you to overstep. i know that no matter what you might say, it comes with good intentions, and that’s what counts.
That’s true Rich. Thank you for understanding that.
if i did not understand that, then i would be a total douche instead of just the partial douche that i am now.
well I’m honored that you are only a partial douche to me.
Well done! I grew antsy just following the drama. Tiny, a diva, a drama king/queen. How we suffer for our art.
And sometimes those around us suffer too. Thanks for reading.
Interesting. I think you’ve just invented a whole new style of dialogue attribution. Might get some getting used to, and probably only good for very short fiction. Bravely done, and a nice story too.
thanks very much. brave? i didn’t feel brave, but maybe that’s how it works. thanks.
Very funny creative piece, with effective dialogue as always. We actually went in the same general direction with the prompt this week but took different paths. Still I was fooled almost to the end!
thanks. i have a long list to begin reading. looking forward to yours too.
Great story. I love the way you experiment with something new every week.
and i love when someone reads carefully enough to recognize that. thanks very much.
I guess things don’t go smoothly at Karnegee Hall. 😉 Nice use of dialogue and great humor.
Here’s mine: http://unexpectedpaths.com/friday-fictioneers/love-with-strings-attached/
thanks miss. i will be there to read yours and others later today.
I have story envy! Very clever
and i have pretty envy. thanks very much.
Outstanding! Funny, very creative and not far from the backstage truth of many musical performances. Loved it!
Thank you for such a positive reaction.
Nice one Rich, loved the fact that you were bold enough to take the ‘said’ out, it made the whole piece punchier and more lively. BTW, I’m ooking forward to your interview finally going up on the blog this coming Thursday too. 🙂
I was just thinking about that interview. Thanks!
This was great, and the dialogue attribution worked very well. Like you said it almost had the feel of a nursery rhyme or poem. This is the one it reminded me of (for the rhythm, not the content) http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/241532
thanks for reading and “feeling” it. i’ll check that link. was great of you to find that.
Ha, brought a lot of laughter. Especially “call the carpenter”
thanks. that was the last part added, the carpenter, and i laughed at it too.
I really enjoyed the breakdown of your editing process. We all go through something similar, but few can describe the their process in such a manner as to be helpful to others.
Great story, I could feel the crescendo building from the first note.
thanks very much. i wish i had kept better track, but it was kind of late at night and i forgot. dangit.
Before I even read your explanation I was thinking, ‘this is a nursery rhyme’. Bullseye!
aww thanks very much.
Terrific take on the picture. I enjoyed how this was written.
thanks for reading.
Oh, perfection. Love this.
thanks very much. thanks for reading.
Glad to see you looking at dialogue. It gets to me at times. I read that you should only used “said” after each one, but I like seeing something just a bit different or, as you did, nothing.
the theory is that IF we right the dialogue correctly, we won’t need “shouted” or “exclaimed” or anything else because the dialogue will reveal that. thanks for reading.
I understand that. But, when I am reading, I still get bored if all it is is “said”. May be just me.
no, not just you. we have been trained to expect more for the assistance when reading. and i think writers feel the need to do it. what bugs me is when the thesaurus comes out in order to find more ways to say “said.” some of the best of the worst is in the “twilight” series. such as lines like “No,” Edward disagreed.
lol, but he sparkles!
ugh. yes. he does. oh joy.
I see that I like the movies just a bit more than you. Don’t get it wrong though – a vampire should not sparkle; bursting into flames is my idea of fun for them.
was not a fan of the books. i thought they were poorly written, but i more specifically mean poorly edited, not the story. too many sentences were “blah blah blah,” he said (adverb). things like “I’m not really sure,” he said abstractedly. some really stretched out adverbs. i had a long list and was going to make a blog post but lost the list.
I think most of us understand and, probably, have seen what you are talking about. She wrote it from a dream and for teens. When I watched the movies, I had to keep reminding myself of who the audience was to be. I enjoyed some parts of the story, but did not like either main character (actor/actress). She did a creditable job in “Snow White and the Huntsman” though.
was hard for me to “feel” for bella when she kept putting herself and others in danger.
Yeah, there’s that, too.
Do you mind if I add something here? I don’t care to use the word “said” that much when I’m writing either. Instead I try to tag dialogue with an action made by the speaker, if that makes sense. For example, “He shifted uncomfortable.” Or “He kicked the can at his foot.” It will up your word count but is often worth it when revealing your character’s emotion more clearly. Just my humble opinion.
I know we use “humble opinion” to be polite, but yours is a very worthy opinion and describe something that I try to do as well. I guess I am not so humble.
I loved it! It was great! I enjoyed your notes. It was like a nursery rhyme.
thanks very much, and thanks for reading.
What a fun little number. Tiny sounds slightly high maintenance. Better keep his instrument with him at all times. Sure glad they found it. 😀
me too. thanks for reading.
Loved the story and the styling. All those saids would have weighed it down.
How many more speaking characters can you squeeze into 100-words? 🙂
I guess a maximum of 50 characters, provided each only has 1 word of dialogue.
Highly creative – I can see it on the stage 😉
It was fun:) well written
my favorite line…”I’ll get a mop” followed by all the waahhhh
you had me right in the middle of the entire scene…loved the drama! ❤
hey, that’s a big compliment. thanks very much.
😉 really, drama backstage is often better than the performances…hahaha.
i’ve heard that, but i haven’t been lucky enough to see it myself.