Every Wednesday Riley Wisoff-Fields posts a picture prompt to challenge writers to create a 100-word story or poem or anything that works for you. Then post your work on your blog. additionally, on friday, you go back to her site and post a link to your blog entry in the comments on her Friday Fictioneers post.
I’m going to try to keep up with this, as should you. Give it a shot. I prefer to stick to 100 words, but she doesn’t mind either way. Not everyone has the time to sit and write, revise, edit, revise, edit, etc. until getting it down to 100 and telling everything you want to tell.
The Cold
His coordination erodes. Hands shake, too erratic for flint to strike steel. Shredded straw waits patiently in a wooden bowl. No sparks. Teeth pull torn gloves. Hands touch face to warm, strengthen fingers. Then try again.
Silent, solemn thoughts, then reach for flint and steel, fingers beg to keep grip. Shredded straw waits silently in a wooden bowl. Eyes slowly glaze, crystallize, like the outside window overnight. Fingers tighten. Twitch.
Two figures slowly appear outside wearing white with red crosses. One raises a small, lighted device. In their language, “Nothing living in there.” Two figures slowly disappear. Search elsewhere.
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I don’t usually write in present tense, but I did here for two reasons. 1. The immediacy of what was happening, making it at the moment. I was going to write it first person, but I did that with a different, similar piece already. and 2. It saved words.
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100 words
brainsnorts inc. 
Wow dude…Survival, hope, defeat…that’s a cold story, well written. And sad.
thanks very much. love the stache.
Rich,
My fingers started aching and stinging as I read this. Great, if not disturbing description.
“Riley”?
last week “rachel” this week “riley” next week…
hahahahahahaha…..cute…. can’t wait to see what it is next week. 😉
there is great strength in your writing
That’s a big compliment. Thanks very much.
Very well done!
Very stark and bleak. I don’t usually like present tense, but that was perfect for this scenario. You captured the desperation perfectly as well, and I loved the image of the straw waiting patiently for the spark. Excellent job.
Here’s mine: http://unexpectedpaths.com/friday-fictioneers/cold-reason/
believe it or not, i didn’t see this comment until today. thanks very much.
As usual, well written. Sad story.
Reminds me of some movie whose name I have forgotten – where rescue came moments too late.
I admire the way you dispense with ‘unnecessary’ words.
Great piece of writing Rich.
I loved the short, sharp sentences. They seemed to highlight his short, sharp, frozen last breaths.
believe it or not, i didn’t see this comment until today. thanks very much.
HI Rich,
Couldn’t help but be reminded of Jack London’s story To Build A Fire. With the current weather, this story may not have been too big a stretch from reality for you. Hope you are safe and warm. Ron
believe it or not, i didn’t see this comment until today. thanks very much.
Very well done! The short sentences give the story the movement it needs to convey desperation. Also, the repeated reference to the straw is brilliant.
believe it or not, i didn’t see this comment until today. thanks very much.
Another good example of your personal Friday Fiction style, no wasted words here. Also glad to see we’re still thinking on roughly the same lines.
believe it or not, i didn’t see this comment until today. thanks very much.
Dear Rich, you say a lot in a few words. I don’t know if I’m in a minority but I miss some of the words you cut out, eg I would prefer ‘fingers beg to keep their grip’. Like the story itself very much, but feel it’s a little too staccato a style for my taste.
Rich,
I wouldn’t change a thing. In my youth I often went camping in the winter. You captured the feeling of building a fire against all odds in the dead cold like a man who has been there….
Hat Tip!
Tom
believe it or not, i didn’t see this comment until today. thanks very much.
Yes, trying to light a fire in a cold house feels exactly like that. Do it every winter up in the mountains.
I liked this one! Good description with a lot said in those few words.
Scott
Mine: http://kindredspirit23.wordpress.com/2012/11/09/friday-fictioneers-1182012/
Dear Rich,
It’s amazing how fast we can freeze to death. i like the eyes glazing over. nice touch, jack.
Aloha,
Doug
good story
Oh, dude…couldn’t they gone into check? I thought it effective in present tense. Nice work!
Very real, and a bit disturbing. I think you did very well with the present tense. I understand cutting words to meet the quota, I do it myself. I would love to see what you would have created with more words. Maybe not, this was unsettling enough.
Left me wondering WHY they were searching for him. Or just anybody. Great hook.
RIch, You just described the thousands of Hurricane Sandy victims still suffering in their homes after a full week with no power, no heat, no lights, no food, etc. Well done.