(Washington, DC) – “It’s simple,” said Dr. Kerry Framingham. “Minesweeper.” In an unexpected but definitive explanation, it seems the VA’s gigantic backlog of medical appointments can be blamed on one small but vital software issue.
“It’s the latest thing, a fascinating new piece of software, and we have no idea where it came from. It’s like it’s been hidden in our computers all these years, only to surface recently,” said the doctor. “Our staff just can’t get enough of it. You thought Angry Birds was a big deal? I’m warning all businesses right now – get Minesweeper off your network computers before you have to deal with the significant time suck that we’ve been trying to overcome.”
For those yet to discover this small but powerful test of brainpower so new they have not yet made a smartphone app, Minesweeper is a game of logic, calculated guesses, and occasionally, “Dumbshit luck” to use the VA spokesperson’s own explanation.
“If you think about it seriously for a second, how could anyone not be absorbed by this cerebral challenge?” asked Framingham. “You’re in a virtual-reality world. And in that world, you’re saving dozens, maybe hundreds of lives from potential death and dismemberment. I mean, when you think about it, it’s like having the power to play God.” Added Framingham, “Maybe if we had gotten hold of this technology sooner, we could have done something really great, like stop the Boston Marathon bombings.”