(Silicon Valley, CA) – “It’s just boring as hell,” said Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg. “I mean, I go on Facebook, and all I see are posts of random song lyrics from the 70’s, 80’s, 90’s, and whatever. It makes me wonder, do these people need calendars?”
Zuckerberg is referring to a recent in-depth and on-going review of every Facebook post ever. It’s been determined that at least a portion of lyrics from over 96% of all songs ever recorded have been posted in some form on Facebook.
“And it’s not as if these people are saying anything about the songs,” continued a clearly agitated Zuckerberg, rising from his throne. “There’s just a couple of lines, and that’s it. Like they think they deserve credit for reminding us that they listened to the same music as everyone else. It’s ridiculous. This is not what I had in mind when I started this. If that’s what you want, go back to Myspace. Start a blog. Get a life.”
According the FB Founder, he has algorithms in place that will detect the posting of any further song lyrics and delete those posts. We asked, “What’s the most commonly quoted song?”
“I don’t know the exact song, but the most commonly quoted band was The Beatles. Or Beetles. Something like that. I’ll ask my dad. He probably knows them.”
What does Zuckerberg’s wish to see more often? “No question. Cat videos.”
A spokesman for Justin Timberlake said, “Tell Zuck to eat shit and die.”