“We don’t have the funds to upgrade or repair our old radar guns. Speeding tickets are given out pretty randomly anyway, so we’re saving money while providing the same services. That’s a win-win in my book.” – Wilsonville Police Chief Artie Stone
“It’s the latest thing, a fascinating new piece of software, and we have no idea where it came from. It’s like it’s been hidden in our computers all these years, only to surface recently,” said the doctor.
“It’s ridiculous,” said Zuckerberg. “This is not what I had in mind when I started this. If that’s what you want, go back to Myspace. Start a blog. Get a life.”
(Baltimore, MD) – After a careful examination of Presidential documents and records found in the archives of the Library of Congress as well as the Lincoln Presidential Library and Museum in Illinois, Dr. Howard McGee of Johns Hopkins University has proven definitively that had Lincoln not been shot, he would have been dead by now anyway.
(Los Angeles) – Following her recent surgeries to stave off the potential for breast and ovarian cancer, Angelina Jolie has now taken preventative measures with her children. Starting with 8-year old daughter Shiloh, born in Namibia, Jolie has ordered the child’s teeth removed to stop any chance of the her ever having cavities.
I’m not 100% liberal, but I lean far more left than right. Probably what keeps me off the liberal top 10 list is that I’m okay with the death penalty in certain circumstances. Items on my liberal agenda include legalizing marijuana, believing in global warming, pro-choice, equal pay for equal work, the Affordable Care Act,…
Once a year the Oxford English Dictionary releases a list of new words and/or phrases they (whoever “they” might be) have deemed acceptable enough to officially add to their fabulous book. Usually this is due to each word or phrase being used so often that the keepers of language choose to give in and accept…
brainsnorts inc. 